A new perspective on deployment!

Today is the first day of the Tour of Duty online Bible Study from Wivesoffaith.org!  I have to say this is exactly what I need!  We are barely into our 3^rd month of a yearlong deployment and to this point I have been so focused on all the wrong things.  Todays study started out with a few simple questions, kind of a get to know you kind of thing and the last question had a scripture to read.  The scripture was Proverbs 3:5-7 the msg version says this:

 Trust God from the bottom of your heart;
   don't try to figure out everything on your own.
Listen for God's voice in everything you do, everywhere you go;
   he's the one who will keep you on track.
Don't assume that you know it all.
   Run to God! Run from evil!
Your body will glow with health,
   your very bones will vibrate with life!

I am sure through the course of my Christian life I have read this scripture a couple hundred times but today it brought forth a huge revelation for me.

Every day for the past several months I have been focused solely on my feelings.  Feelings of complete loneliness, exhaustion, stress, worry etc.  On top of that being pregnant with an 18 month old going through what seems to be an early onset of the terrible twos, a 6 month old that often wakes up 3-5 times a night and everything that goes along with being a pregnant mommy of two babies so close together.  I have made attempts to stay busy, keep things organized, have fun etc and have failed miserably because I have been to focused on how much I miss my husband and how hard life seems to be at the moment. I constantly find myself stressed, ran down and overcome with negative emotions.  As I laid in bed last night crying myself to sleep, though overcome with loneliness at that moment I had a glimmer of hope of what this Bible Study would bring.  Knowing all the things that Gods word says sometimes you still need a reminder and encouragement to get through a rough patch. 

Everything has a season and the last 2-3 months have been a season of self pity which I hope to learn from.  Today starts a new season, a season where I take this scripture post it up where I can see it constantly and force myself to remember that I do NOT have to figure it all out on my own and that above all of what I am feeling I need to trust God from the very bottom of my heart!  Its so easy to think I need to do it all alone, I need to figure it all out but I am so thankful for the gentle reminder today I am not alone and God is in complete control.  If I listen to his voice in everything, he will help keep me on track.  I don’t have to have it all together, I don’t have to figure everything out.  He has a plan and his plan isn’t for me as a military wife to just be lonely and to suffer through this entire year but to take this time to stop and fully rely on him. 

It’s a journey.  Everything doesn’t change in a day but I am excited for the next season.  Time to learn, grow and become the wife and mother God has called me to be and not to just be sad and wallow in how much I miss my husband and how much things seem to suck right now.  I am excited for change and I am praying that this next 8 weeks is life changing and that I am shaken to my very core and challenged to grow and do more that just merely survive this deployment.