The hardest battle of my life...

I am truly in the midst of the hardest battle of my life and these words are the best way to describe exactly what I am dealing with...

'What I don’t understand about myself is that I decide one way, but then I act another, doing things I absolutely despise. 

So if I can’t be trusted to figure out what is best for myself and then do it, it becomes obvious that God’s command is necessary. 

But I need something more! For if I know the law but still can’t keep it, 

and if the power of sin within me keeps sabotaging my best intentions, 

I obviously need help! I realize that I don’t have what it takes. 

I can will it, but I can’t do it. I decide to do good, but I don’t really do it; I decide not to do bad, but then I do it anyway. My decisions, such as they are, don’t result in actions. Something has gone wrong deep within me and gets the better of me every time.

It happens so regularly that it’s predictable. The moment I decide to do good, sin is there to trip me up. I truly delight in God’s commands, but it’s pretty obvious that not all of me joins in that delight. Parts of me covertly rebel, and just when I least expect it, they take charge. 

I’ve tried everything and nothing helps. I’m at the end of my rope. 

Is there no one who can do anything for me? Isn’t that the real question?

The answer, thank God, is that Jesus Christ can and does. 

He acted to set things right in this life of contradictions where I want to serve God with all my heart and mind, but am pulled by the influence of sin to do something totally different.

Romans 7: 15-25 MSG

When I read this the other day I was blown away.  I was just telling my friend a few weeks ago that my issue is over and over again the same - I know what I need to do to lose weight and get healthy.  I know what food I should and shouldn't eat, I know how bad for you certain things are, I know what I need to do.. I make awesome plans, I write it out, I make goals and do great for a few days... then wham its exactly as it says here... I can will it, but I can’t do it. I decide to do good, but I don’t really do it; I decide not to do bad, but then I do it anyway. My decisions, such as they are, don’t result in actions. Something has gone wrong deep within me and gets the better of me every time.

I have been devising a plan of attack for my health and am just trying to take it one day at a time and trying to not get overwhelmed with the big picture. I am following lots of inspiring people who have done what I have set out to do and after my crazy ride in an ambulance (see last post) I have a new outlook and a fresh perspective realizing that in the midst of the craziness taking time to take care of me is critical! 

The Solution Is Life on God’s Terms
Romans 8 MSG

1-2 With the arrival of Jesus, the Messiah, that fateful dilemma is resolved. Those who enter into Christ’s being-here-for-us no longer have to live under a continuous, low-lying black cloud. A new power is in operation. The Spirit of life in Christ, like a strong wind, has magnificently cleared the air, freeing you from a fated lifetime of brutal tyranny at the hands of sin and death.3-4 God went for the jugular when he sent his own Son. He didn’t deal with the problem as something remote and unimportant. In his Son, Jesus, he personally took on the human condition, entered the disordered mess of struggling humanity in order to set it right once and for all. The law code, weakened as it always was by fractured human nature, could never have done that.The law always ended up being used as a Band-Aid on sin instead of a deep healing of it. And now what the law code asked for but we couldn’t deliver is accomplished as we, instead of redoubling our own efforts, simply embrace what the Spirit is doing in us.5-8Those who think they can do it on their own end up obsessed with measuring their own moral muscle but never get around to exercising it in real life. Those who trust God’s action in them find that God’s Spirit is in them—living and breathing God! 

Taking time to meditate on these words and get them deep... He is my solution and answer and helper if I just slow down and let Him be!  

She Shares Truth - Running from the truth

I am loving the Lent Study from She Reads Truth and excited to take part in this week "She Shares Truth" study of Jonah 1-2

Approaching Lent I had never taken part, I always thought it was just for Catholics.  But as I began to dig in and find out more I realized I wanted to participate in Lent this year: Tomorrow I will be sharing more about what we are doing as a family for Lent and what Lent means to me. But for now on to sharing the truth I found in Jonah 1 & 2.  For me this story isn't about going somewhere as much as it is about doing something.

I was raised in church so the 'story' of Jonah has been heard many, many, many times! But in all honesty I have never actually just read it and dug in before.  On day 1 of the Jonah study on shereadstruth.com it started to unfold to me in a new way.  This week I have read it in every version I could think of to explore deeper meaning and truth and wow...  This quote from day 1 really got my spirit moving.. "...desperately aware of the vastness of his sin; and is pulled, quite literally, from the dark depths of his self-made misery by a merciful God"

Right now I am stuck in the never ending roller coaster of health and weight loss...  I've prayed about this struggle, I've asked for help and I've felt Gods pulling in the right direction and ordering the steps to freedom, He has clearly showed me the steps to take yet some how I blatenly ignore His wisdom and continue to 'wallow in the depths of my self made misery'

I know I need and want to lose weight and to get healthy and even have a doctor ordered diet, that I have trouble sticking to.  Here I sit, the heaviest I have been since my last pregnancy, in the comfort of food addiction and laziness that keep me stuck and circling the same mountain again and again and again...Its as if I have heard God say "get up and do this and be free" but instead I jump ship and run the complete opposite way.  When I have a day of utter defeat I tend to go overboard and do the complete opposite of what I need to do!

So here I am, on the brink of something great, with a choice to follow Gods desires for my life for health and wholeness or live in constant misery. God has called me to be more than overweight and unhealthy and stuck in the same battle.  He relentlessly peruses me and shows me ways out and I've reached the point where I need to throw myself into depths of his grace and mercy and allow him to guide each step and follow His plan.

His plan for each person is different and though it may seem somewhat silly to focus this amazing story of redemption and grace to something like weight loss, it is what it is for me and as I read these chapters its what rung clear in my mind. It has been my greatest struggle and it's beyond time to stop running and repent and cast aside the laziness and just do go where He is leading me in this journey!

Jonah 2:1-9Then Jonah prayed to his God from the belly of the fish.

He prayed:

“In trouble, deep trouble, I prayed to God.

He answered me.

From the belly of the grave I cried, ‘Help!’

You heard my cry.

You threw me into ocean’s depths,

into a watery grave,

With ocean waves, ocean breakers

crashing over me.

I said, ‘I’ve been thrown away,

thrown out, out of your sight.

I’ll never again lay eyes

on your Holy Temple.’

Ocean gripped me by the throat.

The ancient Abyss grabbed me and held tight.

My head was all tangled in seaweed

at the bottom of the sea where the mountains take root.

I was as far down as a body can go,

and the gates were slamming shut behind me forever—

Yet you pulled me up from that grave alive,

O God, my God!

When my life was slipping away,

I remembered God,

And my prayer got through to you,

made it all the way to your Holy Temple.

Those who worship hollow gods, god-frauds,

walk away from their only true love.

But I’m worshiping you, God,

calling out in thanksgiving!

And I’ll do what I promised I’d do!

Salvation belongs to God!”

Find Uber Cute Stuff Here:

Day 1 - Avocado & Tomato Salad with Homemade Italian Dressing - Clean, Paleo & Daniel Fast Approved!

Today is the official day 1 of my 21 day Daniel Fast! I wanted to share a yummy recipe with you and what I'm learning so far!

Breakfast was a simple yummy smoothie!
1c water
1/2c blueberries
1/2c strawberries
1/2 frozen banana
Yum! My kids even had smoothies with milk added in! (no they are not on the fast dont freak out! they just LOVE smoothies)


Lunch was delish! Tomato & Avocado Salad drizzled with homemade (clean, paleo & daniel fast approved) Italian dressing!

Clean-Paleo & Daniel Fast Approved Italian Dressing
1/2 cup of Olive Oil
3 tbs of Lemon Juice
1 tsp of Basil
1 tsp of Oregano
1/2 tsp of garlic

I put in a container, shake it up and store in fridge since this obviously makes several servings!

Dinner is in the crock pot! Veggie Chili! (recipe coming tomorrow)

Today James 1 is continuing to unfold to me in new ways... and strangely enough it was the verse focus of  today's Made to Crave Devotion called 'Consider It'

James 1:2-4 msg Consider it a sheer gift, friends, when tests and challenges come at you from all sides. You know that under pressure, your faith-life is forced into the open and shows its true colors. So don’t try to get out of anything prematurely. Let it do its work so you become mature and well-developed, not deficient in any way.
another version says 'Consider it a pure joy whenever you face trials...'
5-8 If you don’t know what you’re doing, pray to the Father. He loves to help. You’ll get his help, and won’t be condescended to when you ask for it. Ask boldly, believingly, without a second thought.
12 Anyone who meets a testing challenge head-on and manages to stick it out is mighty fortunate. For such persons loyally in love with God, the reward is life and more life.

In the devotion it said (my paraphrase) you may not feel like its a gift or feel like what you are dealing with is something you should be joyful about and when we are in the middle of facing temptations we have to stop and take time to consider it!
Think about it, dwell on the end result not just the right now good feeling that the big fat Dr. Pepper or cookie or whatever it is will bring but look past that to the end of the test!

Its refreshing to know that I can stand in the middle of my trial and stop and consider it a gift and a joy, not because the moment is joyful because certainly in the middle of a stressful bad day it doesn't feel like a joyous gift but not giving in comes with reward - Putting my faith to the test is painful but is also what builds my faith and makes me stronger.  Not giving in, not trying to get out of it early allows faith to grow, allows self control to become stronger, allows me to be come mature and well developed in my faith and reliance in Jesus.  I can't conquer this crappy eating cycle alone and I definitely can't make it through this 21 days alone! There are going to be a lot of times that it is anything but joyful but learning to rely on Jesus, growing my faith and letting the Holy Spirit guide me and help me can be a very joyous special gift!  I can not wait to see my faith grow over this next 3 weeks and to see my negative eating patterns defeated and to grow closer to Jesus as he helps me through this challenge!

One of the best quotes from today's devotional said this
'There are no quick fixes. There will be good days and bad days. But most importantly, I've realized this isn't as much about losing the weight as it is gaining truth - through of who I am in Christ and how I am made for more than this constant self-defeating struggle'
Source: Made To Crave 60 day Devotional by Lysa Terkeurst  Pg 25

Find Super Cute Stuff Here:

A new outlook - A fresh start

Have you ever read something dozens even hundreds of times and then one day read it again and got a whole new meaning? This morning when I got my daily email from www.daniel-fast.com (if you are planning to do the Daniel fast I highly suggest signing up for the daily emails because they are great) this verse was the first thing in this mornings email...

I know throughout my Christian life I have probably read this verse several hundred times but today I read it in a whole new way.  As I prepare for the 21 day Daniel Fast I am taking a new approach to my health and weight loss by setting aside 21 days to deny my flesh certain things in order to learn to trust Jesus and rely on his strength to make the right choices.  Every effort over the past 2 years has failed because I have had the wrong focus and today this verse reassured the purpose of the fast to me and reassured me of God's pure goodness! Delight yourself in the Lord - over the next 21 days I am doing just that - instead of taking delight in food, instead of finding stress relief in food, instead of comforting a crazy day with food I am going to be learning to delight myself in Him and find my fulfillment in my relationship with Jesus again! Then He will give you the desires of your heart - the desire of my heart is to conquer negative eating and get healthy and learn to rely on Him in a new way.

Wow!  I mean seriously this verse has a whole new level of depth to me!  I keep reading it over and over again slowly and love that each time God is renewing in me the fact that I can do this with His help!  I am going to be healthy, I am going to learn to conquer negative food choices, I am going to lose the weight because I am going to delight myself in Him and learn to rely on Him.  As I said yesterday, I can NOT do this alone.  I have tried and tried and tired for the past 2 years and its has been a roller coaster that ended right back where I started.  This time is different and I am excited to share the honest real journey with you over the next 21 days!  Stay tuned for recipes, insights and exciting things! Here are a few key verses that I am meditating on to help me through this time!

Yesterday in my quiet time I also found new revelation in James 1 - the entire chapter is amazing but these verses really stuck out to me!

2-4 Consider it a sheer gift, friends, when tests and challenges come at you from all sides. You know that under pressure, your faith-life is forced into the open and shows its true colors. So don’t try to get out of anything prematurely. Let it do its work so you become mature and well-developed, not deficient in any way.

5-8 If you don’t know what you’re doing, pray to the Father. He loves to help. You’ll get his help, and won’t be condescended to when you ask for it. Ask boldly, believingly, without a second thought.

12 Anyone who meets a testing challenge head-on and manages to stick it out is mighty fortunate. For such persons loyally in love with God, the reward is life and more life.

13-15 Don’t let anyone under pressure to give in to evil say, “God is trying to trip me up.” God is impervious to evil, and puts evil in no one’s way. The temptation to give in to evil comes from us and only us. We have no one to blame but the leering, seducing flare-up of our own lust. Lust gets pregnant, and has a baby: sin! Sin grows up to adulthood, and becomes a real killer.

16-18 So, my very dear friends, don’t get thrown off course. Every desirable and beneficial gift comes out of heaven. The gifts are rivers of light cascading down from the Father of Light. There is nothing deceitful in God, nothing two-faced, nothing fickle. He brought us to life using the true Word, showing us off as the crown of all his creatures

 

Find Super Cute Stuff Here: