The struggle is real

I haven't blogged here in forever! Mostly because the past few years have been a struggle of up and down and doing great and failing and failing more.  I have felt like I have to be perfect or there to be able to blog about 'weight loss' but I find inspiration in people being real with their journeys and I have hidden tooo long behind mine.  I decided to get real and get to it.  I have never told anyone how much I weigh other than one friend but today I took the leap with my new IG account @mommylosesit!  I posted my starting/current/goal weights!  This is huge for me and a turning point.

The struggle is real y'all! For real!  But I wanted to get real and start sharing more along this journey!

This is part of a journal entry I wrote a few weeks ago about where I am and I wanted to share it as a way to step outside of hiding from the truth in hopes that the truth really will set me free!  

January 20th, 2015

 The past 3 years have been filled with starting and failing over and over and over and over again but this time HAS to be different! Here I sit in the middle of a mild cronhs flair, weighing 259 lbs! My highest weight was 272 over the summer and lowest as of late was 247. I am currently wearing a size 20 and 1x sometimes a 2x.  The past 6 months have been up and down, try and fail, go strong, binge and give up.  I am on medication for high blood pressure, acid reflux and 2 other RX’s for cronhs, including a steroid that totally kicks my butt.  

My excuse for so long was I had 3 kids in less than 3 years but my youngest is now 3.5! When I went in to have my youngest I was 275lbs in November of 2011 and got down to 215 by March of 2012 and slowly but it back on.  By June of 2013 I was at 230 by beginning of 2014 I was 250, by July of 2014 I was 272...

I don’t want to be that mom that sits on the couch all day.  I don’t want to be that mom that cant run and play with her kids and when we go to the park just sits on bench watching.  I don’t want to be the mom with overweight kids because they eat like their mommy.  I cant tell you how many times my kids have scarfed whole bags of chips along side of me.  I don’t want to be the wife that only has sex in the dark and changes behind closed doors where he cant see.  I don’t want to be the wife who refuses to take a shower with her husband for fear of him seeing me all fat and blubbery.  Im tired of looking at double and triple chins and I’m beyond tired of my underwear rolling down every time I bend over.  

I AM DONE feeling all of those things! I need to be healthy!  I need to not be sick! My family needs these things even more.  I had a huge scare in May 2014 and got on track for several months and lost 20 lbs but it didn’t last.  Ice cream, pizza, convenience food, chips and French fries all won.   

 Today @revelationwellness posted this…

‘Say No to temptation and yes to the spirit – isn’t it crazy to think that God never lets anything come our way that wont turn out for greater good?  Every temptation serves a purpose!  Every disappointment sows a tear that will certainly reap joy for us, and glory for him, IF you do not give up.  Don’t give yourself over to your frustration in the temptation. That’s the time to preach to your soul.  My God is at work within me. And everything that comes against me must get under my feet at the name of Jesus.  WHAT THE FLESH IS TOO WEAK TO DO, THE SPIRIT COMES AND SAVES!” 

I am ready for change. I need change. This is one of our family christmas pic.. I hate me in it but its another great before pic!