I am weak - Confessions of a Fat Girl

I know that a lot of people dont like the use of the term 'fat' but its not meant derogatory its just simply what it is.  Truth of it is being 50+ pounds over weight is most simply put... fat... I dont hate myself, I know God created me and I am fearfully and wonderfully made at every stage of my journey but HEALTH is what I want! I dont want to be 'skinny' I want to be healthy and not tired alllll the time!  But really 'wanting' something is simply not enough.   Here I sit 6 weeks into our 12 week Biggest Loser Friends Edition Challenge and I can honestly say that only 1 week was spent serious.  I have NOT worked out in 5 weeks.  I have eaten crap, a lot of crap and been more tired and lazy than ever.  Yea things come up and there are days that working out just doesnt, well work out.  But there hasnt even been an effort.   My hubs and I decided that for 7 days we are going to do a live food challenge, fruits, veggies, nuts etc.  We stocked up at the grocery store on lots of fruits and veggies! Today is the day we are starting! But guess what? Last night we had company over and they brought an entire case of my addiction, Diet Dr Pepper and they left it here! And we made brownies and there is half a pan left.  The hubs was supposed to take them to work this morning but he didnt so guess what... Yea Ive been up for 2 hours and already consumed a diet dr pepper and 2 brownies!  I am weak! Where is my will power? Where is my determination?  Where is my focus? Like I said its not enough to 'want' something.  I want to be healthy, I want to walk into any store and not search for the largest size available, I want to be able to be comfortable and healthy etc etc etc.    Below are a few of my favorite sayings and my fav pins from my motivation board I like the last one that says Will Power is a muscle the more you use it the stronger it gets. Sadly today it wasnt really even about will power it was more about habit.  To me its just a habit.  I didnt think twice about eating the brownie till after the fact.  I can buy all healthy food and then find myself gorging on my kids cheerios.  Not that cheerios are super unhealthy but when you are in the middle of your 3rd bowl you think Oh Crap! I did it again.  Luckily I havnt gained any weight.  Im still sitting at 10 lbs lost from the beginning of the competition.  40 lbs since December.  I know I need to focus on how far Ive come, not how many failures ive had along the way.  Its all a process and every single choice counts.  Heres to making the last 6 weeks of the competition amazing! Making short measurable goals that add up to great long term success and heres to trying my hardest to win that $700!   Realizing I can not do anything on my own but that I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength.  I am starting today to begin not only wanting it but praying for success, praying for strength, will power and success.  I cant do it on my own, in my own strength I am a failure but with Gods help all things are possible even losing weight!    Check back next Sunday to hear about this coming weeks journey! PS dont forget to enter my giveaway for a 250x250 60 day ad space! http://monkeysandtutus.blogspot.com/2012/08/large-ad-space-giveaway.html