Thursday, June 30, 2011

Choosing to Walk on Water

I know my blogs have been a little sparse lately but all that comes along with deployment has kept me from blogging as much as I would like.  I will explain more next blog… 

I have been a part of this online bible study for mil wives and this is supposed to be week 4.. I did great for the first 2 weeks and the past 2 weeks have been not so great.  Its so easy to get busy in the day to day and get behind.  The past 2 weeks haven’t been bad at all, though there have been moments of doubt.  Through this Bible study I have been re-learning to put God first and to fully trust in him.  Looking back over the past month I can see a HUGE difference in the days where I truly put God first and the days I get to busy in the day to day and easily forget my focus.

While catching up on last weeks chapter in the bible study there was one statement that stood out to me above all the others; “When Peter focused on the wind and the waves, he started to sink.  Without help, he would have drowned. Ever faithful Jesus didn’t let that happen” 
This sentence is so simple and basic yet spoke to me!  In the midst of deployment there are TONS of waves and a great amount of wind!  Those days when the wind hits and I stop and pull out my phone and read scriptures I have saved are the days that yet hard, become easier to sail through then the days when I tend to get to busy and let the waves over take me.  Luckily even when the waves are bearing down on me I have an ever faithful savior still there stretching out his hand and willing to help! 
Isaiah 58:9 says “Then you shall call and the lord will answer; you shall cry and he will say, ‘here I am’.”
The thing is he doesn’t force us to rely on him.  But he is right there waiting for us to ask him for help.  Whether I need patience, strength, courage, rest, joy etc he is there to help us through.  Deployment isn’t easy but with Jesus help we can make it!  I really do believe that I can become a stronger person through this deployment.  Not that every day will be easy and not that there wont be moments of sadness, breakdowns etc but overall I want to choose to keep my focus on Jesus and not the winds and waves crashing around me.

I cant do this on my own, but when I put my focus on Jesus and look to him for guidance, strength and comfort I can truly say I can do this through Christ who gives me strength!!! 

Friday, June 17, 2011

I didnt get to say Goodbye...

Well its been more than 48 hours since I talked to my husband.  He has been gone for 3 months but since he has been in stateside training, we have had the luxury of texting throughout each day, as well as talking and skyping daily.  I knew the day would come when he would actually go to Afghanistan, I just don’t know that I was ready for it.  By now he should be somewhere over there… No idea where, No idea his address, No idea of anything at this point.  But I have faith he is safe and things are going well. 

A few days ago when he was on his way out, he was at an airport where we couldn’t get enough signal to keep a call, so we texted during his several hour layover.   Texts took forever to go though because of the weak signal and I fell asleep thinking he was on his way to another airport before actually heading overseas and would be able to call then.  I fell asleep with my phone on my chest, volume up as loud as it would go, thinking if he text me I would hear it. Well I didn’t.  I woke up at 3am with my princess only to see that I had a ton of texts saying he wasn’t going to another airport and they were on their way overseas and good bye! I freaked!!  I somehow made my princess a bottle through the tears and when I got back to my room all I could think of was I didn’t get to say goodbye! I was hysterically crying for a few minutes.  Then I reached for my phone and pulled up the scriptures on the Faith Deployed FaceBook page and began to read through them, pray and allow God to comfort me and give me his peace.  As I put down the phone and laid there praying, asking for peace and comfort my Monkey came walking in with his blankie and snuggled up beside me and we drifted peacefully to sleep!  (His room gets so cold at night I started leaving his door open and gating off the hallway where if he wakes up he can just come straight to my room! VERY convenient! Haha!And he came at a perfect time!  I love my beautiful kids!

I am so thankful that I found the Tour of Duty online study from  The past 3 months I have been so sad, lonely and really just allowed myself to constantly be overcome with all the negative deployment related emotions.  I havent wanted to blog because I didnt want my blog to just be filled with sadness and negativity.  When I saw that this study was coming up I quickly joined and set my faith that I would be changed drastically throughout this 8 week study and the rest of deployment!  Just started the 2nd week and I can already see a HUGE difference!  Not that everything changes in a day and not that there wont be moments of sadness, loneliness etc but I am choosing to let God take control.  FINALLY!  I love how he doesn’t push his way in and force us to trust him.  He just is there patiently waiting for us to give up trying it on our own and let him take the wheel, let him comfort us and give us peace.  It’s a daily choice and at times an hourly and even moment by moment choice to choose to have faith and trust in God. 

If you haven’t checked out and do it! They haven been a great help and encouragement to me.  Simply ‘liking’ their FaceBook pages have been a help just because both are always posting scriptures, different prayer requests from other wives and much more!  Check it out.. Above all check God out.  This next 10 months will not be easy but I am so excited to be growing and changing and I know that as long as I keep seeking more of God I will keep finding more of him! 

I can do this! I really can! Yay!

Wednesday, June 15, 2011

The only way im gonna make it through today...

Today is a hard day for me.. and I am learning to fully rely on God in the midst of being overcome with negative deployment emotions... Today all i can do is simply pray and meditate on scriptures!  here are a few of the scriptures I am holding on to today especially!  Hope some of them help you too!

Psalm 27:1 amp
1THE LORD is my Light and my Salvation--whom shall I fear or dread? The Lord is the Refuge and Stronghold of my life--of whom shall I be afraid?

Proverbs 1:33
33But whoso hearkens to me [Wisdom] shall dwell securely and in confident trust and shall be quiet, without fear or dread of evil

John 14:27
27Peace I leave with you; My [own] peace I now give and bequeath to you. Not as the world gives do I give to you. Do not let your hearts be troubled, neither let them be afraid. [Stop allowing yourselves to be agitated and disturbed; and do not permit yourselves to be fearful and intimidated and cowardly and unsettled.]

1 Cor 16:13
13Be alert and on your guard; stand firm in your faith ([a]your conviction respecting man's relationship to God and divine things, keeping the trust and holy fervor born of faith and a part of it). Act like men and be courageous; grow in strength!(A)

2 Timothy 1:7
7For God did not give us a spirit of timidity (of cowardice, of craven and cringing and fawning fear), but [He has given us a spirit] of power and of love and of calm and well-balanced mind and discipline and self-control.

Psalms 62:8
8Trust in, lean on, rely on, and have confidence in Him at all times, you people; pour out your hearts before Him. God is a refuge for us (a fortress and a high tower). Selah [pause, and calmly think of that]!

2 Cor 4:8-9
8We are hedged in (pressed) on every side [troubled and oppressed in every way], but not cramped or crushed; we suffer embarrassments and are perplexed and unable to find a way out, but not driven to despair;
    9We are pursued (persecuted and hard driven), but not deserted [to stand alone]; we are struck down to the ground, but never struck out and destroyed

Isaiah 49:13
13Heavens, raise the roof! Earth, wake the dead!
   Mountains, send up cheers!
God has comforted his people.
   He has tenderly nursed his beaten-up, beaten-down people

Ps 42:11
11 Why are you down in the dumps, dear soul?
      Why are you crying the blues?
   Fix my eyes on God—
      soon I'll be praising again.
   He puts a smile on my face.
      He's my God.

Ps 34:17-19
17 Is anyone crying for help? God is listening,
   ready to rescue you.

 18 If your heart is broken, you'll find God right there;
   if you're kicked in the gut, he'll help you catch your breath.

 19 Disciples so often get into trouble;
   still, God is there every time

Lamentations 3:21-23
19-21I'll never forget the trouble, the utter lostness,
   the taste of ashes, the poison I've swallowed.
I remember it all—oh, how well I remember—
   the feeling of hitting the bottom.
But there's one other thing I remember,
   and remembering, I keep a grip on hope:
 22-24God's loyal love couldn't have run out,
   his merciful love couldn't have dried up.
They're created new every morning.
   How great your faithfulness!
I'm sticking with God (I say it over and over).
   He's all I've got left.

Josh 1:9
9Have not I commanded you? Be strong, vigorous, and very courageous. Be not afraid, neither be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.

Zephaniah 3:17
17The Lord your God is in the midst of you, a Mighty One, a Savior [Who saves]! He will rejoice over you with joy; He will rest [in silent satisfaction] and in His love He will be silent and make no mention [of past sins, or even recall them]; He will exult over you with singing.

Monday, June 6, 2011

A new perspective on deployment!

Today is the first day of the Tour of Duty online Bible Study from!  I have to say this is exactly what I need!  We are barely into our 3rd month of a yearlong deployment and to this point I have been so focused on all the wrong things.  Todays study started out with a few simple questions, kind of a get to know you kind of thing and the last question had a scripture to read.  The scripture was Proverbs 3:5-7 the msg version says this:
 Trust God from the bottom of your heart;
   don't try to figure out everything on your own.
Listen for God's voice in everything you do, everywhere you go;
   he's the one who will keep you on track.
Don't assume that you know it all.
   Run to God! Run from evil!
Your body will glow with health,
   your very bones will vibrate with life!

I am sure through the course of my Christian life I have read this scripture a couple hundred times but today it brought forth a huge revelation for me.

Every day for the past several months I have been focused solely on my feelings.  Feelings of complete loneliness, exhaustion, stress, worry etc.  On top of that being pregnant with an 18 month old going through what seems to be an early onset of the terrible twos, a 6 month old that often wakes up 3-5 times a night and everything that goes along with being a pregnant mommy of two babies so close together.  I have made attempts to stay busy, keep things organized, have fun etc and have failed miserably because I have been to focused on how much I miss my husband and how hard life seems to be at the moment. I constantly find myself stressed, ran down and overcome with negative emotions.  As I laid in bed last night crying myself to sleep, though overcome with loneliness at that moment I had a glimmer of hope of what this Bible Study would bring.  Knowing all the things that Gods word says sometimes you still need a reminder and encouragement to get through a rough patch. 

Everything has a season and the last 2-3 months have been a season of self pity which I hope to learn from.  Today starts a new season, a season where I take this scripture post it up where I can see it constantly and force myself to remember that I do NOT have to figure it all out on my own and that above all of what I am feeling I need to trust God from the very bottom of my heart!  Its so easy to think I need to do it all alone, I need to figure it all out but I am so thankful for the gentle reminder today I am not alone and God is in complete control.  If I listen to his voice in everything, he will help keep me on track.  I don’t have to have it all together, I don’t have to figure everything out.  He has a plan and his plan isn’t for me as a military wife to just be lonely and to suffer through this entire year but to take this time to stop and fully rely on him. 

It’s a journey.  Everything doesn’t change in a day but I am excited for the next season.  Time to learn, grow and become the wife and mother God has called me to be and not to just be sad and wallow in how much I miss my husband and how much things seem to suck right now.  I am excited for change and I am praying that this next 8 weeks is life changing and that I am shaken to my very core and challenged to grow and do more that just merely survive this deployment.