Monday, May 20, 2013

Confessions of a cheating addict

The battle to lose weight and be healthy and fit is just that... A battle!  Every day, every bite is a choice!  
I don't understand how I can know everything that needs to be done, how I can feel the difference health wise, mood wise and energy wise and how I know when I stick to the plan I can lose weight but still have such a hard time sticking to the plan!
I fall into the whole 'Have a Cheat Day' melodrama!  

Mothers day weekend is when my latest downward spiral took off!  It was the 2 week press to the end of my 8 week herbalife challenge!  This is an example of our daily plan:
When you get up herbalife tea
8am herbalife shake
10am High protein snack
12 herbalife tea and shake
2 High Protein Snack
4 beverage mix or other high protein snack
5:30-6:30 grilled chicken and veggies 

I was down to 226! My starting, 8 weeks ago, was 247.7... If I were to stick to the plan and buckle down I could easily win first prize which is almost $600! (this morn I weighed in at 229 which likely means tonights weigh in will be 232 bc I always weigh more in the eve )  Mothers day weekend I fell into the lie of oh its mothers day i deserve a cheat!  But what I have learned over the past 2 week is that 1 cheat day, for me, leads to a cheating cycle spun out of control! Why? Because I'm pretty much an addict to cheating and bad food.  Sweets arent even my problem, though if presented with a bag of cookies Id certainly devour it,  its chips and tater tots, french fries.. pretty much anything potato!  Because of health reasons I have been told absolutely no fried foods by my doctor, yet I somehow find myself sick and in pain at the bottom of a super size french fry!

My father is a life time alcoholic.  Its been a constant battle cycle of him almost dying, doing great and being sober for a lil bit then falling off the wagon over and over and over for the past few years.  Addiction is in my genes.  Food works the same way for me as alcohol for some.  If you stay away you are doing great but once you fall into the lie that 1 drink or 1 meal wont hurt, you find yourself a few days later to deep to get out and full of regret.  Regret and disappointment that work against you!  They are so strong and connected to the emotions that you just end up thinking you are hopeless and ending up doing worse.
I hit rock bottom on Thursday night when my husband was out of town.  The kids were being redonk and of course there wasnt anything bad to eat in the house.  On Mothers day my step mom brought over a huge box of delicious packaged brownies but before the hubs left town he was nice enough to throw them away for me.  However Thursday night I was stressed to the max and in tears and just needed some chocolate or something to offer comfort and a few moments of peaceful delight.  (I cant believe I am about to admit this is writing but lets just be real)  I snuck outside and opened the trash can and got myself a package of brownies.... They were in a package so they were sealed and they were on the top, i needed them, it was a bad day.. I had a million justifications!  About 3/4 of the way through the double brownie package I was full of regret and sad and angry and just continued right through Friday   Mcdonalds for breakfast & Brisket and Fried Okra for Lunch and Arbys for dinner!  UGH  I know better than this, I know how sick I get when I eat stupid stuff, I know how much weight I can lose when I stick to the plan yet why do i continue to sabotage myself?!
I often ask myself why my dad just cant quit alcohol for good?  Its simple.. Drink and die or stop and live?  But addiction is so much stronger that just making a choice to change its a battle... A battle I dont fully understand...

I took the Dr Oz Food Addict Quiz   let me tell ya.. (the link has a short video and a more detailed quiz) 
yes I spend a lot of time thinking about food, even when Im not hungry
yes I get more pleasure from food than from anything else
Yes I always eat more than planned 
yes I hide food or at least hide the evidence of the fact that I ate a certain food
yes my relationship with food interferes with  my life

Ugh most of my eating is in relation to stress and emotion.. I often justify a diet soda (which i know is bad) and an order of tater tots because I have had a stressful day or because Im sad or whatever...I saw this and thought it was a great reminder...

I also know that when I exercise I feel so much better, seriously better! When I sit around and snack or eat whatever I feel awful, I feel tired and I feel like a failure.

The challenge ends today and I have to decide what the next step is... do I keep doing 2 shakes a day and high protein? Overall the plan is great.. I did lose 20 lbs but 20 lbs in 8 weeks isnt anywhere near my goal nor anywhere near what I know I am capable of!  I have tired so many things over the years and heres what I know.. When I was my sickest and had to be the strictest for the sake of my health I was on a strict No Dairy of any kind & No Refined Sugars kind of thing. . Mostly I had only fruits and veggies and meat... my life changed dramatically.  It wasnt about carbs it was just about eating clean and healthy.  I could have any veggie or fruit I wanted because it was clean.  Where I am at now I feel restricted on the things that I know are high in carb but still good foods, like most fruits and even a lot of veggies...  I love Herbalife Shakes but they do have dairy in them, they are expensive but they work and they are crazy yummy! However 10 weeks ago I was in the hospital for a cronhs flair and 8 weeks ago was having horrible symptoms and was facing the possibility of month IV infusions of a very nasty drug I want nothing to do with and since doing Herbalife I havent had hardly any symptoms and have been doing great and no longer have to take my meds!  
Whatever I decide to do I know it will continue to be a daily struggle but this is very true...

I am willing to struggle for my health and do what I can to lose the weight and feel good and be fit and healthy.  I will have ups and downs but each day is a choice and a decision to fight and keep going!  

Im also linking up with Raising Reagan in the Slim By Summer Challenge! Love this group of girls even though I have sucked and havnt kept up as much as I should have!   
 photo plainsigt_zpsd3f25377.png

Sunday, May 19, 2013

Painting Date Night

I have been wanting to go to Wine and Pallet for months and months but all their good paintings always sell out super fast! Finally I got up at midnight when they released the new paintings for the next month and got a good one!  Luckily my hubs was sweet enough to do it with me!  He said Im never doing this again but by the end he said ok hed do it again! yay!!!

This was the original that we were going to paint!

This was after the first few steps

 Starting to come together

Adding the people was comical!

Headless people with half an umbrella!

 Before adding the rain i actually really liked my pic and was really happy with it

 Then we added the rain and I wanted to cry!!!  I love the hubs painting! It looks like they are standing in front of niagra falls on a rainy day!

This is the artists pic that she made while teaching us

I hung them on our wall!  ha Opps ignore the panties and handcuffs on the dresser bawahahahahha lol
I cant wait for our next time!  New paintings release tonight at midnight!!!

 photo plainsigt_zpsd3f25377.png

Tuesday, May 14, 2013

My Trendy Littles - Hat Style

Oh how I love my mothers addiction to the Childrens Place!  Today she got my lils some cute hats!
Perfect for my fav link up!!! Trendy Little from Sunny with a Chance of Sprinkles!!!
All their cute lil clothes and hats are from The Childrens Place & Shoes.. Famous Footwear!!! our fav!
Getting 3 toddlers to sit or stand still for a pic is just about imposible but oh how i love taking pics of them!!!
They are in love with their new hats!  Benjamin has even taken his to bed!  He walks around saying Mommy What ya think? Dont I look handsome?! LOVE


 photo plainsigt_zpsd3f25377.png

Saturday, May 11, 2013


Ok seriously? This is all I ever want haha


If I have learned anything around my house there has to be specifics with this request... 

For example.. When I say 'sleep in' I actually mean until I wake up on my own with no one coming in to see if im still sleeping or to ask when im getting up... I mean like if I somehow sleep till 2pm then thats cool because thats a real present! LOL

Alone time - As in let me take a bubble bath with everyone out of the house so that I dont have Benjamin coming to pee 3x, cloee 2x and daddy coming in to take a pooh while im trying to relax.. Alone time as in run me a hot bath, fill it with rose petals and bubbles, light some candles, turn on some celine deon and let me enjoy peace and quiet for 45 mins and please bring me back some chocolate or starbucks :)

Eat with two hands - Psssh I dont care about 2 hands I just want to eat with out being climbed on, begged off of, pulled on and without having to get up 24x to tend to poop, pee, messes, get me some juice, I need milk or multiple time outs and fights!

Audience free as in Please let me take a pooh with out someone standing in front of me saying mommy i gotta potty! Hurry UP its my turn! Oh you took to long so now i pee on the floor! Or sorry mommy I unrolled the entire roll of TP onto the floor because I wanted the center part to make a telescope so now you can drip dry because of course that was the last roll! 

Hahah funny but seriously! Not every day.. Just one special day!!!

 photo plainsigt_zpsd3f25377.png

Friday, May 10, 2013

The good, the bad and Mommy I peed in my hair!

DUDE! If I ever thought it was rough when I had a 24 month old, a 12 month old, a new born and a husband in Afghanistan was hard.. that was nothing compared to having 3 toddlers all at one time! LOL
Yeah yeah I said dude!  Its one of those annoying words I obsessively overuse! 
So anyway I was sitting in a lawn chair enjoying the beautiful day while watching my kids play 
outside when my 3 1/2 year old stops to go in to potty.  He comes out afterwards, stands besides me, hair dripping... and says, Mommy! I peed in my hair!
Knowing this is pretty close to impossible i said Benjamin, how how did you pee in your hair ? 
He said Because I wanted to! I said no how?  He said... 
I dunked my head  in the toilet! 
OMG! Why?! Boys will be boys?  YUCK!  And I just caught him trying to do it again!  He peed then bent over, head first! Luckily I just happened to walk in and stopped him a millisecond before his hair touched the pee pee filled water!  
This is Benjamin and Cloee.. They are trying to knock some leafs out of the tree while saying "Mommy! Get the salad down! I want some salad!  Salad come here! I want salad!!!!  And below is Cloee after she managed to knock some 'salad' down!  She quickly discovered it does not taste the same as salad we make in the house! LOL Crazy Princess!!!
Im pretty sure most of my 'prim and proper' fam and friends are somewhat shocked by my facebook statues this week... Heres a few of the more crazy (but oh so true) ones
Nothing like going in to check on your 2 yr old princess who is suppose to be going potty, only to find her holding daddy's stinky old spice deodorant... She had already applied it to 97% of her body!

>Driving down the road I felt like something was crawling in my pants... I scratched and before long I realize I had a bug in my pants now between my fingers and wiggling! I started to freak and when we came to a stop light I quickly yanked my pants off and gave them to Benjamin Karl Sanders who searches my pants for the culprit and says oh It's just one those scorpion bugs! WHAT?!!! It was actually nothing like a scorpion but OMg ! There was a bug in my pants!!!!

>Benjamin thinks cutting nails is the worst thing in the world! He was just sitting in the couch chewing on his toe nails I said Benjamin that's nasty! He said I no wanna cut nails so I eat them! Lol ewwww

>Benjamin said mommy come see! I drew something incredible! He took me to the chalk board and I said wow incredible then he said come in the living room! It's even more incredible! He drew allll over the entertainment center! I said Benjamin that is not incredible that's bad! He said but mommy! I drew a road for my cars! Luckily chalk wipes right away!

>UGH that moment when you ask your 18 month whats him his mouth, followed by get your handout of your crack, followed by OMG! WE DONT EAT POOP! sick!!!!!
But of course among the craziness, the poop, cleaning up pee and all the insanity there are fun sweet moments like this...

Yes some days are nasty, some days are beyond stressful and annoying but I love  ... wait...
As I was typing how i love my crazy life my princess came up to me and said.. Mommy I need a wipe... Her hand was covered in poop... as she said in the cutest lil voice ever.. Mommy I pooped in my panties again :( Oh the joys!!!!! Yes I really do love my crazy nasty messy make me wanna puke daily life filled with 3 of the craziest, cutest, sweetest, messiest, stinkiest...... lil loves! hahah!

Saturday, May 4, 2013

20 lbs down! 6 Week update!

 So I am almost 6 weeks in to my Herbalife Challange! Its bitter sweet... I have lost 20 lbs and 13 inches. My hubs has lost 17 lbs and I need to measure because I know hes lost a ton of inches too!!!
 Im wearing jeans I haven't been able to wear since stupid effexor made me gain 25-30 lbs at the end of last year!  However Im about 10 lbs off from my goal.  I know that 20 is awesome but I also know what Im capable of and how much I have slacked over the last few weeks! For example.. I lost 14 lbs the first 2 weeks and only 6 in the last 4 weeks!  My goal was been 5 lbs a week.  Its frustrating because I know I havent worked out enough and had way to many cheats! IE today.. I had an Oreo and some chips! Danget! And Ive had several Diet Dr Peppers! BOOOO  So time to make the last 2 weeks as good and even better than the first 2 weeks!
Herbalife isnt an easy fix! Its great nutrition and its hard work.  Its not a miracle pill as many people want to think.  Its commitment to a plan and following through.
The days I eat the protein I need which is 144 right now and all the water I need which is like more than a freakin gallon - when I stick to the plan and get in all that I need I generally lose 1 lb per day.  Its so simple yet days like today I always let stress win!  I gobbled down that cookie like I had been lost at sea with out food for a month.  Sickening! I know I've posted this before but Its seriously oh so true!
Tomorrow is a new day!  2 weeks to go and I want to win that $585 and I want Ben to win $351 (1st and 2nd place!)  We got this!  Were gonna work our booties off and actually stick to the plan with out fail until the end of this 2 weeks!  I cant wait!!!   Check out this girls Tumblr!  She has some awesome motivations!!!
 photo plainsigt_zpsd3f25377.png

Obsession with changing it

Omg! I am seriously obsessed with changing my blog layout!  I still have to go back and add side bar titles but I think i like it now??? hahah I cant decide if I like the plain white background or the dots???  

 photo plainsigt_zpsd3f25377.png

Friday, May 3, 2013

Squat Challenge

So I'm sure you have seen the squat challenge going around...
I found it on a group challenge I'm apart of and started doing it on May 1st along with several of my friends!

I found these on Coach Samm's Facebook Page - you should 'like' it because she has lots of great tips and motivations and challenges!!!

As of right now the first 20 squats are fairly easy then continually get harder.. I am anxious to see me push myself as far as I can!  I measured my abs, hips, butt, upper thigh, mid thigh, lower thigh and calfs before starting day 1! We will see what this grand month of May brings!
Who wants to join in on this challenge with me???!!!
Dont forget the water challenge tooo!!!!
 photo plainsigt_zpsd3f25377.png