Why is it that the closer we get to the end of this deployment the harder it seems? There are days when I am so exhausted, so tired of doing things alone, so in need of 10 minutes away from my kids, so in need of a shower and so beyond ready to have my husband safely home with me that I just can’t stand it. I have found myself so easily frustrated and crying more often than I had expected being this close to the end of deployment. Someone I know had their love get back this week and while I was soooo excited for her and filled with joy knowing she would get to put her arms around him and hold him tight and just the relief she must be feeling knowing he is safely on US soil once again. On the other hand I was totally jealous and a little frustrated. It seems that everyone knows exactly when their spouses will be home from deployment except me. Of course with OPSEC I couldn’t and wouldn’t share even if I knew. But there is just something in knowing and being able to count down even privately that gives me security and peace of mind.
I know that the end is coming and I know when orders technically end but I also know they aren’t going to send everyone home at the exact same time either. So my patience is strained as I wait day to day, praying for safety to continue, dreaming of being reunited etc.
Yesterday was Valentines day and it sucked miserably in many more ways than just being thousands of miles away from my valentine.
First I sent my hubs his valentines box weeks ago with ‘do not open till valentines day’ written all over it… he sent me beautiful tulips but they were several days early because of the craziness of valentine ordering I guess… He decided that since I got mine early he would open his box early so when valentines day came, him being half a day ahead of me he didn’t even remember what day it was. He called in the morning but it was just to find out about our stupid truck and their phone lines were jacked up so our call was cut short...
I had to take the truck in, yet again! This time.. Transmission is out and a vacuum leak.. $3650! UGH
I got a call from my MIL at 7am saying that my hubs cousin was in a car wreck and was in critical condition..
Then I got a happy valentine’s day present from my Dr. He decided to schedule a colonoscopy and endoscopy UGH
As if that weren’t enough the kids were beyond a handful and peanut had 2 huge blowouts! He loves the JumpARoo but if he poops while in it, it goes straight up the back! He gives you NO clue he has pooped! Even if I hear a big toot and immediately get him out, its too late!
It was just one thing after another after another not to mention i didnt feel good at all.. plus still on steroids plus wretched devilish cramps made for a bad bad day!
I try to remind myself that nonmilitary wives can’t possibly understand what I (or any military wife) go through on a daily basis. I had 3 different friends try to cheer me I know more than anything that they meant well and they were really trying to help and be encouraging and the day after I can smile and think I how I should have responded in each of those situations, knowing they cant possibly understand. But when you are in the middle of everything going wrong on top of the fact that your husband has been in a war zone risking his life daily for the last year the last thing you want to hear is someone who luckily gets to see their husbands every day and have breaks from their kids from time to time say things like not much longer or just choose to be happy or he’ll be home soon.. etc…
I know he will be home soon, I know not much longer and really everyone has bad days and there actually are some days that I cant just choose to get happy and snap my fingers and everything be hunkey dorey… I probably shouldn’t broadcast my frustrations via my facebook status but I do have a slight FB addiction! Its my only outlet to civilization most days.
Single mothers can relate a little. At least with the doing everything alone part but doing everything alone is even harder when your husband is in a freaking war….
So if you are one of those friends who I went off on yesterday, I know there were at least 3 of you… Im sorry I know from the bottom of my heart that you all mean well and that you really and truly care and were trying to be encouraging and nice and I shouldn’t have let my emotions and frustrations cause me to be witchy. J I love you all! You know who you are!
Really that can go to everyone I’ve said unreasonable things to over the past year…