31 days - Day 8 A funny but serious change needed

Days 3-7 have been spent with our lil family trying to enjoy our time together while the hubs was on furlough! Its hard not to get discouraged and stressed when your income is cut off without knowing when it will be back.  For me its better not to blog when I'm angry at the government lol.. Thankfully the hubs got to go back to work yesterday but depending on what happens with the debt ceiling he may be furloughed again. 
Any who... on  this quest to reinvent myself I have been taking a hard look at things in my life that I want to change. Change is not easy but the biggest thing is recognizing the things that need to change. Today's quest is a funny one...
Our oldest, Benjamin, who will be 4 in a few weeks has become the absolute worst back seat driver.  Like beyond what I picture a 4 year old should be capable of!  Here are some of the things he has said recently while in the car...

Benjamin: Daddy! You are going the wrong way! Turn around! NOW! JUST DO IT! Daddy: Benjamin this is a short cut Benjamin: NO its not! Your new glasses dont work very well! Me: crying from holding in the laughter lol

Benjamin:  Mommy where are we? Me: were in Tulsa Benjamin: No where in Broken Arrow Me: actually this is Tulsa Benjamin: NO MOMMY! You don't even know!
While on the phone with my mom the other day out of the blue he says 'I'm getting angry at my mom! She is taking all the wrong roads"  
Among these common conversations are constantly asking where we are, constantly telling us we are going the wrong way, constantly saying NO! You were suppose to go left! You are making me angry and on and on and on and on and on... He is an absolute nag and its non stop for the hour long commute to the city...
It is so easy to get super annoyed with this behavior.  Part of me is proud that he is so observant and can always tell us the way to get anywhere that we have been before but OMG it can be very draining... well in the midst of my frustration the other day I had a HARD realization! Benjamin is me! My poor husband!  I am constantly nagging him, telling him where to park, which lane to drive in, asking why he didnt go that way, just turn here, go this way.. etc  I seriously had tears when I thought about it.  Mostly because I dont want to be a naggy wife but also because I have without realizing it taught my innocent lil boy to be a nag as well. The other day I asked my hubs what was the one thing that drives him nuts about me.  He of course said backseat driving.  I am such a control freak and Benjamin is becoming so much like me in so many areas its scary!

Proverbs 27:15 The Message (MSG) 15-16 A nagging spouse is like     the drip, drip, drip of a leaky faucet; You can’t turn it off,     and you can’t get away from it
Proverbs 25:24 The Message (MSG) 24 Better to live alone in a tumbledown shack     than share a mansion with a nagging spouse.
Wow! Dear God, please help me to hold my tongue in the car and let go of control and not be a nag! 
In the grand scheme of things it truly does not matter if he parks in a completely different place than I would have.  It does not matter if we got the long way around and it takes us a whole 3 minutes longer to get somewhere. What does matter is that my husband does not have to have these same feelings of frustration caused by something so silly.  Nagging!  
I am really really really committing to tenaciously work to reinvent this part of me! Will it happen overnight? No but bad habits can be broken!  
Who wants to be a nag when the Bible has given us the perfect example of what a woman should be...

Proverbs 31: 10-31 The Message (MSG)  A good woman is hard to find,     and worth far more than diamonds. Her husband trusts her without reserve,     and never has reason to regret it. Never spiteful, she treats him generously     all her life long. She shops around for the best yarns and cottons,     and enjoys knitting and sewing. She’s like a trading ship that sails to faraway places     and brings back exotic surprises. She’s up before dawn, preparing breakfast     for her family and organizing her day. She looks over a field and buys it,     then, with money she’s put aside, plants a garden. First thing in the morning, she dresses for work,     rolls up her sleeves, eager to get started. She senses the worth of her work,     is in no hurry to call it quits for the day. She’s skilled in the crafts of home and hearth,     diligent in homemaking. She’s quick to assist anyone in need,     reaches out to help the poor. She doesn’t worry about her family when it snows;     their winter clothes are all mended and ready to wear. She makes her own clothing,     and dresses in colorful linens and silks. Her husband is greatly respected     when he deliberates with the city fathers. She designs gowns and sells them,     brings the sweaters she knits to the dress shops. Her clothes are well-made and elegant,     and she always faces tomorrow with a smile. When she speaks she has something worthwhile to say,     and she always says it kindly. She keeps an eye on everyone in her household,     and keeps them all busy and productive. Her children respect and bless her;     her husband joins in with words of praise: “Many women have done wonderful things,     but you’ve outclassed them all!” Charm can mislead and beauty soon fades.     The woman to be admired and praised     is the woman who lives in the Fear-of-God. Give her everything she deserves!     Festoon her life with praises!

31 Days of Reinventing Mommy - Day 2 dealing with self disappointment

Reinvention:

• to replace with an entirely new version
• to remake or make over, as in a different form
• to invent again or anew, especially without knowing that the invention already exists

  Tenacity:

• holding or grasping firmly; forceful
• holding together firmly; tough or cohesive
• tending to stick or adhere

In my tenacious quest to reinvent myself I am taking a hard look at things that need to change! I have been reading the New Day New You reading plan on You Version - You can find it here - Day 7 really hit home! It was all about Disappointment and Reappointment.
I can not tell you how many times, more than I care to count, that I set these lofty goals and head in strong and determined and 4 days into it, one little mess up sends everything in a downward spiral of disappointment and discouragement.  An example would be diet - I have been doctor ordered to stay away from fried foods and dairy and know that a strict diet makes me feel better and reduces symptoms of Cronhs.  I set out to do the 21 day sugar detox. I made amazing plans, meal plans, shopped and was fully prepared.  Then day 5 came and it was beyond stressful, the kids were being redonk and jaxsen left a graham cracker sitting next to me.  Then the battle begins with myself... Oh one cracker wont hurt, its been a rough day you can have it and a million other battles in my mind and I end up giving in.  But it never ends with one cracker, pretty soon the I've had 4 crackers, then go out for a 'stress relieving' soda, then i don't want to cook and have already screwed up so might as well get pizza and why not finish the day with ice cream.  It has been a never ending battle...
In the New Day New You Devotion - day 7 it says this:  Regardless of how it may happen or who may be responsible, it is hard to go on when everything we have counted on falls down around us. That's when we have to make the decision to adapt and adjust, to take a new approach, to just keep going despite our feelings. That's when we must remember that we have the Greater One residing within us, so that no matter what may happen to frustrate us, or how long it may take for our dreams and goals to become reality, we are not going to give up and quit just because of our emotions. That is when we must remember what God once told me in just such a moment: "When you get disappointed, you can always make the decision to get reappointed!"
In this reinvention of myself I am shifting my focus to knowing that God has given me the power to overcome and when those times of slip ups come to remember it's not so dramatic, the world hasn't ended and one slip up doesn't mean that the next choice or day or week have to be horrible.  Time to use have the creative power of the Holy Spirit on the inside can get a new vision, a new direction, and a new goal to help us overcome the downward pull of disappointment, discouragement, and destruction.
My goals for my diet are 80% Paleo/Clean giving me a little bit of wiggle room for some slip ups and cheats. There are going to be days where I am disappointed in circumstances and downfalls but I am working to day by reappoint my thoughts and actions and keep on reinventing myself.  It wont happen overnight but its the sum of all days in and out.  Losing one meal doesn't have to equal a month of crap.

31 days of Reinventing Mommy

There are 2 key words that I want to use to describe my '31 days' -  Reinvention & Tenacity. 
The past several months have been filled with commitments that go strong for 4 days then come to a halting crash which spirals out of control and leads to disappointment, resentment and anger. They have been filled with depression, sadness, self loathing and huge pity parties.  What I have realized  about myself is that I am pretty much nothing I want to be. I could go on and on about all the things but I just want to wipe the slate clean and start a new days and tenaciously go after reinventing myself. Reinvention:

• to replace with an entirely new version
• to remake or make over, as in a different form
• to invent again or anew, especially without knowing that the invention already exists

I love the third description the most because I know that I am really just bringing out what already exists. What has been hidden in the mangled  chaos of 'busyness' and mommy-hood.  

Tenacity:

• holding or grasping firmly; forceful
• holding together firmly; tough or cohesive
• tending to stick or adhere

This past week I saw a few episodes of What Not To Wear and realized some things about myself.  I dont take time for me, ever.  Its so easy as a mom to worry about everything and everyone else and let ourselves just slide.  I saw so much of myself in those busy horridly dressed mommies.  Knowing that I spend 95% of my time in yoga pants and t-shirts and fixing my hair has become a once a week treat. There is so much background that goes into this but I want to focus on the positive and not the negative so here are my goals for this 31 days of tenacious reinventing mommy! 
Each day I will share a different focus on taking me time and reinventing myself.  I hope you will join me on this journey and find some encouragement to step out of our boxes and into all that God has created us as women to be!
Looking forward to this month and tenaciously going after changing bad habits, conquering fears and pushing through breaking points!