Finding Joy in the messy moments of motherhood!

Weight loss is a huge part of my life and this blog, but lets face it... I have 3 kids ages 2-4 and so my life is more about motherhood than anything else! We have some crazy redonk moments that I love to share because lets face it, we need a laugh now and then and 99% of moms prob relate to what I'm about to share!

Jax is 2.5 and he is not potty trained yet, he sometimes uses the potty and sometimes doesn't!  I get grief all the time because I haven't potty trained him yet, Benjamin and Cloee were potty trained by this age etc.. well he's my baby and he's just not totally there yet and I'm okay with pull ups for now!

Today he had some successes but he also dunked his hair in the toilet after he peed in it, he dipped undies in the pee pee water, he dipped a pull up in pee pee water and carried it all the way down the hall and to the kitchen where I was! Need I go on? ha

Benjamin saying "Jax lets play a game called who can smell my stinky boot the longest" 

Yesterday while attempting to blog he comes in and says MOMMY I POOOPED! I got up to get a new pull up and find the wipes and turned around to hear the 3 words that no mom wants to hear... 

IT TASTES DI'GUSTING!

His finger was covered in poop! I don't know if he actually attempted to eat it or now but ewww sick!  I quickly cleaned him up, washed his hands, got on a new pull up and of course did what I normally do when life gives me these moments... I post it on Facebook!  

Yeah probably over sharing for the FB setting but ....

In case you haven't figured out by now... motherhood is messy! Its beautiful and chaotic and some days a little awful but always beautiful!. 

I choose to find humor in the moments where my kid eats poop or pees on the floor, yet again, or eats a rollie pollie or even the ones where the biggest innocently whacks his siblings on the head with a toy hammer... Real people have those days, you know those kind of days where everything goes wrong, everyone is fighting, the kids are crying for no reason, those days you are praying that you last till bed time...

Benjamin picked out everyones outfits and said its red ninja day!

Motherhood isn't always a beautiful photo-shopped image of perfect children sitting politely and saying yes mam on que but it often is a HUGE pile of laundry taking over your living room or the mountain of dishes piled in the sink, or tripping over toys to get down the hall and pizza and cheetos for dinner, again! While not everyone can appreciate a good poop story, I find joy in 'over sharing' the craziness of this beautiful life that God gave me!

Choose to find joy in the moments that God gives you! The beautiful ones and the ugly ones, the ones where life gives you roses and especially in the ones where your kid has a massive blow out in the middle of a restaurant! Choose not to try to create unneeded drama instead just laugh off the moments you deem as inappropriate and know that in following me or being my 'friend' my disclosure is I am the Queen of Over sharing and I am totally okay with that!

How to lose 10 lbs in 10 minutes!

Truth: 

-I have been on a blogging hiatus for the simple fact that I have felt like a failure - weight loss is hard!

-It is continual falling down and often forgetting to get back up again! 

-It's been trying extreme things with great intentions and passion, going strong for 3 days then going on a huge binge to make up for the 3 days of torture!

-In the past 2 years I have done more gaining than losing! 

-I am tired of being tired, sick, unhealthy and fat! 

At the end of May I had a huge health scare and had some grandiose thoughts of needing change and in turn all I really did was give up soda.  When I went back to the doc in July I had gained 8 lbs! WHAT! What it really comes down to is I don't think I eat that much but the truth of it is the things I was eating were huge in calories!  I gave up soda and in turn took up sweet tea!  When I saw that dreaded number on the scale in July I kinda freaked out!  It was as much as I weighed when I went into the hospital to have Jaxsen!  How is it possible that I weigh as much as I did when I was 9 months preggo with a huge baby?! EEEEEK!  Well I can tell you how - a few healthy eating days followed by pizza, ice cream, chips & fast food!  I'd buy great groceries with great intentions and after a long day of my 3 littles being kinda crazy I didn't 'feel' like cooking so we'd order pizza! Chinese! Taco Bell! 

Feeling defeated, hopeless and utterly depressed by the fact that originally I wanted to lose around 100 lbs and now in reality I needed to lose more like 125!! 

Then I read this quote...

I often let myself get derailed by things I can't control. But when I read this quote something clicked in me... It has nothing to do with anyone else! My journey is mine and it really is about me and keeping promises to myself!  I have this quote everywhere and in my heart and when I am tempted to just go awol again I really just focus on this quote and the fact that I truly can do all things through Christ who gives me strength!

Have I slipped up? YES! In fact I ate a few cheese puffs this morning! But the difference is I ate 3 instead of the entire bag, I didn't try to hide it and keep it a secret, I actually added to my fitness pal (where my diary is open) bensgirl322 if you want to follow along! 

It's been almost 2 weeks of being back at it and there have been a few moments I regret but overall I am staying within my calorie goals and I am moving more every day and I am down 10 lbs!  Right now my goal is to at least walk 2 miles a day and most days I have succeeded! Two miles may not seem like much but when you are HUGE and out of shape 2 miles is a stretch!  I may only be walking 3mph right now but I AM lapping everyone sitting on the couch! There have been many days that I have gotten my miles in by walking laps around my back yard while the kids play! It takes aprox 50 laps to make a mile but I am kinda in the NO EXCUSES point of this journey.  What matters is trying again and again and again and for the first time in a long time keeping promises to myself. 

The journey is long and hard and continual!  It happens 1 day at a time, 1 choice at a time and 1 step in the right direction....

The hardest battle of my life...

I am truly in the midst of the hardest battle of my life and these words are the best way to describe exactly what I am dealing with...

'What I don’t understand about myself is that I decide one way, but then I act another, doing things I absolutely despise. 

So if I can’t be trusted to figure out what is best for myself and then do it, it becomes obvious that God’s command is necessary. 

But I need something more! For if I know the law but still can’t keep it, 

and if the power of sin within me keeps sabotaging my best intentions, 

I obviously need help! I realize that I don’t have what it takes. 

I can will it, but I can’t do it. I decide to do good, but I don’t really do it; I decide not to do bad, but then I do it anyway. My decisions, such as they are, don’t result in actions. Something has gone wrong deep within me and gets the better of me every time.

It happens so regularly that it’s predictable. The moment I decide to do good, sin is there to trip me up. I truly delight in God’s commands, but it’s pretty obvious that not all of me joins in that delight. Parts of me covertly rebel, and just when I least expect it, they take charge. 

I’ve tried everything and nothing helps. I’m at the end of my rope. 

Is there no one who can do anything for me? Isn’t that the real question?

The answer, thank God, is that Jesus Christ can and does. 

He acted to set things right in this life of contradictions where I want to serve God with all my heart and mind, but am pulled by the influence of sin to do something totally different.

Romans 7: 15-25 MSG

When I read this the other day I was blown away.  I was just telling my friend a few weeks ago that my issue is over and over again the same - I know what I need to do to lose weight and get healthy.  I know what food I should and shouldn't eat, I know how bad for you certain things are, I know what I need to do.. I make awesome plans, I write it out, I make goals and do great for a few days... then wham its exactly as it says here... I can will it, but I can’t do it. I decide to do good, but I don’t really do it; I decide not to do bad, but then I do it anyway. My decisions, such as they are, don’t result in actions. Something has gone wrong deep within me and gets the better of me every time.

I have been devising a plan of attack for my health and am just trying to take it one day at a time and trying to not get overwhelmed with the big picture. I am following lots of inspiring people who have done what I have set out to do and after my crazy ride in an ambulance (see last post) I have a new outlook and a fresh perspective realizing that in the midst of the craziness taking time to take care of me is critical! 

The Solution Is Life on God’s Terms
Romans 8 MSG

1-2 With the arrival of Jesus, the Messiah, that fateful dilemma is resolved. Those who enter into Christ’s being-here-for-us no longer have to live under a continuous, low-lying black cloud. A new power is in operation. The Spirit of life in Christ, like a strong wind, has magnificently cleared the air, freeing you from a fated lifetime of brutal tyranny at the hands of sin and death.3-4 God went for the jugular when he sent his own Son. He didn’t deal with the problem as something remote and unimportant. In his Son, Jesus, he personally took on the human condition, entered the disordered mess of struggling humanity in order to set it right once and for all. The law code, weakened as it always was by fractured human nature, could never have done that.The law always ended up being used as a Band-Aid on sin instead of a deep healing of it. And now what the law code asked for but we couldn’t deliver is accomplished as we, instead of redoubling our own efforts, simply embrace what the Spirit is doing in us.5-8Those who think they can do it on their own end up obsessed with measuring their own moral muscle but never get around to exercising it in real life. Those who trust God’s action in them find that God’s Spirit is in them—living and breathing God! 

Taking time to meditate on these words and get them deep... He is my solution and answer and helper if I just slow down and let Him be!  

My Ambulance Ride... More than a wake up call

While at church last weekend I was in the bathroom and snapped a few quick selfies in the full length mirror and sent them to myself in an email entitled 'Wake Up Call', then quickly deleted the pics from my phone. They were scary to say the least... I am generally addicted to stepping on the scale daily but haven't for weeks because I am literally scared of what it may say.

Weight loss is crazy cycle and for me the past 2.5 years have just been up and down and up and down and currently up up up...  My hubs is just finishing up a military training school that kept him away for 2 whole months. We live almost 3 hours from anyone we know and the past 2 months have been insane.  I'm always mom 24/7 but being mom 24/7 with no help and no breaks is beyond draining.  

This week the kids and I have been in the city with family so I could help a friend out at her work.. I had 2 beautiful, quiet relaxing days of sitting in a massage spa manning the front desk.  Kinda like a mini vaca away from the kiddos as they had fun with Mimi and Papa I just enjoyed the quiet and not being tugged on for 2 full days!  Don't get me wrong my the middle of the 2nd day I was seriously missing my kids and so very thankful that I get to stay home with them daily.

Heres my view for my 2 working vaca days.. 

Now on to my ambulance ride...

At the end of my 2nd work day I got to my moms around 6pm and was having really weird left arm pain that over the next hour progressed to the point of such bad pain I was in tears!  I took ibuprofen and a hot bath and it didn't help!  I started having chills and then when I was talking to a friend on the phone all the sudden I couldn't breathe!  I was freezing, nauseous, tingly and couldn't breathe for anything!  My dad called 911 and my mom swooped the kids off for an adventure so they weren't scared! I laid on the couch shivering and couldn't catch a breath for anything and I could hear the ambulance in the distance and it seemed to be taking forever!  I remember praying Jesus don't let me die, please please please don't let me die!  I was sure I was having a heart attack...

Flash back to my hot bath... I was texting a friend about this random horrible left arm pain and telling her how mad I was! Mad that I am so overweight and out of shape that I have to worry that at 34 I am having a stinking heart attack!  

Surrounded by at least 5 EMT's who kept telling me to just calm down and breathe was more frustrating than anything.. I literally didn't feel like I could catch my breath for anything.  My blood pressure was 170/105 my pulse was in the 140s and my breaths per minute was crazy high but my oxygen was at 99%.  They wheeled me out telling me to breathe deep and I just couldn't finally after what seemed like an eternity I was able to start to take deep breaths in through the nose out through the mouth... over and over they kept saying this... They told me I was having a panic attack.  I have never had a panic attack EVER!  They were asking what was stressing me was I anxious etc... and I kept saying I just had the easiest day of my life! 

If I had a dollar for every time someone told me take a deep breath in, hold it exhale... I would have enough money to pay for that ambulance ride!  

By the time we got to the hospital I was breathing okay, my pain had subsided as had most of the other symptoms except I was nauseous and shivering! My dad apparently had a nice talk with the EMT about how 'stressed' I am.. his view is Im a mom to a 4,3 & 2 year old who is 3 hours away  from family and from my hubs!  The doc said that though it is normal to me and in the midst of toddler chaos would be when you'd normally think I'd be panicking, I really don't have time to while in the midst of my normal chaos and the down time brought it on.  While waiting for the EKG results I had another mini panic attack and they ended up bringing me something to help calm me.  Ekg was clear, thank God, and they released me with a RX for some pills to have on hand in case I had another attack or felt one coming on and had to leave in booties because I had no shoes!  Oh yea and I also had no bra and jammies on and had mascara smeared all over my face and I'm quite sure the EKG guy had way to much boob views for my comfort!

Today I have been okay but just beyond tired.  Likely I got freaked out about the possibility of a heart attack that I just went into a full blown panic attack.  It was absolutely the scariest thing. Will be going to the doc for some more answers on the arm pain but all of this is just a serious wake up call! Much more than any picture could do!  

I havn't blogged in forever because I literally feel like I have nothing to say.  Every mom is tired, every mom goes through crazy days with her babies, my weight loss strategies have been shot to crap with my hubs gone and I really needed this shaking to say wake up and stop being stupid and take care of me!  I spend so much time taking care of everyone else I am on the back burner! But I am done with feeling this way!  I am done with being so uncomfortable about this weight gain that I hide from every thing and every one!  I am done with the feeling of needing to hide from every picture because I am absolutely ashamed of what I have become.  I am done squishing into chairs and I am done with a million other horrible side effects of being overweight! 

I feel like the past 2 months I have done great getting reacquainted with Jesus and quiet time and making time to feed my spirit and now its time to truly focus and use the tools and wisdom I already have and change my life this time! I have found some great online Community through Instagram, Hello Mornings and Thrive Moms and now that I have had a serious scare its time to take my whole life to a new level of determination.

You can find me on Instagram ALL THE TIME and I promise to start trying to blog much more consistently through my journey!  Its real, its raw and its gonna happen! 

She Shares Truth - Running from the truth

I am loving the Lent Study from She Reads Truth and excited to take part in this week "She Shares Truth" study of Jonah 1-2

Approaching Lent I had never taken part, I always thought it was just for Catholics.  But as I began to dig in and find out more I realized I wanted to participate in Lent this year: Tomorrow I will be sharing more about what we are doing as a family for Lent and what Lent means to me. But for now on to sharing the truth I found in Jonah 1 & 2.  For me this story isn't about going somewhere as much as it is about doing something.

I was raised in church so the 'story' of Jonah has been heard many, many, many times! But in all honesty I have never actually just read it and dug in before.  On day 1 of the Jonah study on shereadstruth.com it started to unfold to me in a new way.  This week I have read it in every version I could think of to explore deeper meaning and truth and wow...  This quote from day 1 really got my spirit moving.. "...desperately aware of the vastness of his sin; and is pulled, quite literally, from the dark depths of his self-made misery by a merciful God"

Right now I am stuck in the never ending roller coaster of health and weight loss...  I've prayed about this struggle, I've asked for help and I've felt Gods pulling in the right direction and ordering the steps to freedom, He has clearly showed me the steps to take yet some how I blatenly ignore His wisdom and continue to 'wallow in the depths of my self made misery'

I know I need and want to lose weight and to get healthy and even have a doctor ordered diet, that I have trouble sticking to.  Here I sit, the heaviest I have been since my last pregnancy, in the comfort of food addiction and laziness that keep me stuck and circling the same mountain again and again and again...Its as if I have heard God say "get up and do this and be free" but instead I jump ship and run the complete opposite way.  When I have a day of utter defeat I tend to go overboard and do the complete opposite of what I need to do!

So here I am, on the brink of something great, with a choice to follow Gods desires for my life for health and wholeness or live in constant misery. God has called me to be more than overweight and unhealthy and stuck in the same battle.  He relentlessly peruses me and shows me ways out and I've reached the point where I need to throw myself into depths of his grace and mercy and allow him to guide each step and follow His plan.

His plan for each person is different and though it may seem somewhat silly to focus this amazing story of redemption and grace to something like weight loss, it is what it is for me and as I read these chapters its what rung clear in my mind. It has been my greatest struggle and it's beyond time to stop running and repent and cast aside the laziness and just do go where He is leading me in this journey!

Jonah 2:1-9Then Jonah prayed to his God from the belly of the fish.

He prayed:

“In trouble, deep trouble, I prayed to God.

He answered me.

From the belly of the grave I cried, ‘Help!’

You heard my cry.

You threw me into ocean’s depths,

into a watery grave,

With ocean waves, ocean breakers

crashing over me.

I said, ‘I’ve been thrown away,

thrown out, out of your sight.

I’ll never again lay eyes

on your Holy Temple.’

Ocean gripped me by the throat.

The ancient Abyss grabbed me and held tight.

My head was all tangled in seaweed

at the bottom of the sea where the mountains take root.

I was as far down as a body can go,

and the gates were slamming shut behind me forever—

Yet you pulled me up from that grave alive,

O God, my God!

When my life was slipping away,

I remembered God,

And my prayer got through to you,

made it all the way to your Holy Temple.

Those who worship hollow gods, god-frauds,

walk away from their only true love.

But I’m worshiping you, God,

calling out in thanksgiving!

And I’ll do what I promised I’d do!

Salvation belongs to God!”

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Paleo & Clean Chicken & Creamy Tomato Crock Pot Soup

While browsing Pinterest for easy crock pot recipes I came across this one from River North Paleo Girl. 
I modifed it a little and came up with this ridiculously yummy chicken and creamy tomato soup.  If you know anything about me you know I hate chicken in soups it totally grouses me out but I really liked this and was pleasantly surprised.  I am always game for anything easy and being able to just dump all in the crock pot with no prep or anything was perfect!

Chicken & Creamy Tomato Crock Pot Soup - Paleo & Clean
1 can coconut milk
2 can diced toms with juice
1 cup chicken broth
1 can Tom paste
2 big frozen chicken breasts
2 tbs basil
1 tbs garlic salt
1 tbs Italian seasoning
I added carrots and onions too
Next time I will add mushrooms

Throw everything in the crock pot - chicken doesn't even need to be defrosted! Cooked on low all day
Then about an hour before dinner time I took chicken out and shredded with 2 forks and put it back in so it could continue to simmer in the yumminess!

Paleo & Clean Chocolate Shake

So I found this recipe at eatwell.com and decided to give it a try and it's brilliant!  My hubs is a sucker for shakes and this is a great alternative and my kids loved it too! It really was better than any shake I have had!

CHOCOLATE AVOCADO SHAKE
1 1/2c almond milk
1 avocado
3 tbs unsweet cocoa powder
3 tbs raw honey
1 tsp vanilla
2 tbs melted choc chips
1 cup ice

Blend! I split this recipe between 3 kids and it was perfect. I split it between my hubs and I and it was just a little too much.  Its very rich but so delicious!

I have had several people ask if they could leave out the avocado bc they dont like them and the answer is NO!  Hahaha!  The avocado is what makes it nice and creamy and I promise you will not be able to taste the avocado.

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Paleo & Clean Iced Mocha Coffee and a life changing book!

I am so happy spring is almost here!  Spending the winter inside a small house with a 4, 3 & 2 year old... eek!  The days we can play outside for hours on end are the days that my sanity stays in tact!   This winter has been filled with tough mommy moments and a friend recommended this book and WOW... It's like it was written just for me!  If you are a mom who is worn out I highly recommend it!
I found mine here: Deserpate Home for the mom who needs to breathe
I just found out they a website too! what! http://desperatemom.com/

When days are crazy I tend to want to slurp down some Dr. Pepper or an expensive coffee drink but neither are healthy and are just a waste of money so I created my own Iced Coffee and it was delish!
It was super low cal and low carb too! Only 43ish calories & 4 carb

ICED MOCHA COFFEE
1/2 cup strong coffee ( I use instant and double the coffee to 2 tsp)
1 tsp cocoa powder
1/2 cup coconut milk
1 Stevia Pkt

Stir, pour over ice and enjoy! This could easily be done hot but I prefer iced coffee.

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Easiest, Cheapest Most Delicious Creamy Tomato Soup! Paleo & Daniel Fast Approved!

After searching a million different tomato soup recipes I decided to just come up with my own variation! It was surprisingly yummy and it only cost $5 for an entire HUGE pot of soup! Actually more soup than we will likely eat!  Its Paleo, Clean & Daniel Fast Approved!
I made a huge pot so be warned you might wanna half ha!

Creamy Tomato Soup -Paleo, Clean & Daniel Fast Approved
1 6lb Can of Crushed Tomatoes (I buy the big ole cans at Sams because its only $2!)  but you could also use 4-6 normal size cans
1 1/2 cans of full fat coconut milk
2 TBS Basil
4-6 Garlic Cloves (minced)
Dash of Red Pepper Flakes
2 tsp of Oregano

Pour coconut milk in pan mix while heating (If you use full fat the water and the milk are separate and it helps to premix it them together before mixing in rest of ingredients)
Mix in rest of ingredients and cook for 10 mins (longer to bring our more flavor)

ENJOY!!!!

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Crispy Baked Cauliflower Bites

Well week 1 on the Daniel Fast is in the books! I learned a lot and did great for the first 5 days then had a lil slip up cheat meal in a pinch when we were out and about and gave in boo! And I paid profusely for it all night long! Tmi I know... But 1 bad meal doesn't mean I gave up.. Still trucking along, getting tired of veggies and fruit and kinda annoyed that I am eating things that I wouldn't normally eat, like potatoes and whole wheat stuff! On a normal day I try to stay away from those things but for the Daniel Fast since it's so limited I am trying to embrace a few other options for some variety.
The headaches were gone by day 5 and this past week I have made a few good recipes!

Today we had baked cauliflower bites! Oh Yum! It was so easy and actually tasted really good!

Crispy Baked Cauliflower Bites
1 head of cauliflower
1/4 cup Coconut Oil (melted)
Season to your liking - my new fav seasoning mix is Dill, Basil & Garlic

Preheat oven to 425
Break cauliflower up into pieces and pot into a bowl, in a separate bowl mix coconut oil and spices - then drizzle over cauliflower and mix all up and dump on baking dish!  (try to lay flat so all the pieces cook!

I baked mine for 40 mins turning 3x - the crispier pieces were the best!  Next time I will prob cook a little longer!

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Quick Daniel Fast Recipe - Asian Style

Yesterday was a great day one!  There were some temptations that came and I had to make choices to stop and pray through those temptations and find my strength in Jesus to just say no to my need for soda and chocolate!  I'm proud I made it through day one with no cheats but I only was able to do it because I stopped and prayed through and shifted my focus form I want, I need, I think I deserve to prayer and relied on the holy spirit to give me strength to make the right choices.  

Today's lunch was pretty yummy and I wanted to share the simple quick recipe with you! and yes I ate them with chopsticks! It makes me feel cool!

I call it... Veggie Inside Out Eggrolls... or something like that! ha

1 Onion (sliced, diced or however you like em)

1 tbs coconut oil (for sauteing onions and mushrooms) 

1 head of cabbage or 1 large bag of cabbage or cole slaw mix

Coconut Aminos to taste

Seasonings to taste - I used about 1 tsp of turmeric! 

First I sliced up some onion and sauteed them it with mushrooms in a lil bit of coconut oil and turmeric!

Then added cabbage and aminos and stir fried until cabbage was slightly softened.

Normally this is how I make eggrolls - just add meat and wrap up but being on the fast this was a yummy great way to have one of my favs

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Day 1 - Avocado & Tomato Salad with Homemade Italian Dressing - Clean, Paleo & Daniel Fast Approved!

Today is the official day 1 of my 21 day Daniel Fast! I wanted to share a yummy recipe with you and what I'm learning so far!

Breakfast was a simple yummy smoothie!
1c water
1/2c blueberries
1/2c strawberries
1/2 frozen banana
Yum! My kids even had smoothies with milk added in! (no they are not on the fast dont freak out! they just LOVE smoothies)


Lunch was delish! Tomato & Avocado Salad drizzled with homemade (clean, paleo & daniel fast approved) Italian dressing!

Clean-Paleo & Daniel Fast Approved Italian Dressing
1/2 cup of Olive Oil
3 tbs of Lemon Juice
1 tsp of Basil
1 tsp of Oregano
1/2 tsp of garlic

I put in a container, shake it up and store in fridge since this obviously makes several servings!

Dinner is in the crock pot! Veggie Chili! (recipe coming tomorrow)

Today James 1 is continuing to unfold to me in new ways... and strangely enough it was the verse focus of  today's Made to Crave Devotion called 'Consider It'

James 1:2-4 msg Consider it a sheer gift, friends, when tests and challenges come at you from all sides. You know that under pressure, your faith-life is forced into the open and shows its true colors. So don’t try to get out of anything prematurely. Let it do its work so you become mature and well-developed, not deficient in any way.
another version says 'Consider it a pure joy whenever you face trials...'
5-8 If you don’t know what you’re doing, pray to the Father. He loves to help. You’ll get his help, and won’t be condescended to when you ask for it. Ask boldly, believingly, without a second thought.
12 Anyone who meets a testing challenge head-on and manages to stick it out is mighty fortunate. For such persons loyally in love with God, the reward is life and more life.

In the devotion it said (my paraphrase) you may not feel like its a gift or feel like what you are dealing with is something you should be joyful about and when we are in the middle of facing temptations we have to stop and take time to consider it!
Think about it, dwell on the end result not just the right now good feeling that the big fat Dr. Pepper or cookie or whatever it is will bring but look past that to the end of the test!

Its refreshing to know that I can stand in the middle of my trial and stop and consider it a gift and a joy, not because the moment is joyful because certainly in the middle of a stressful bad day it doesn't feel like a joyous gift but not giving in comes with reward - Putting my faith to the test is painful but is also what builds my faith and makes me stronger.  Not giving in, not trying to get out of it early allows faith to grow, allows self control to become stronger, allows me to be come mature and well developed in my faith and reliance in Jesus.  I can't conquer this crappy eating cycle alone and I definitely can't make it through this 21 days alone! There are going to be a lot of times that it is anything but joyful but learning to rely on Jesus, growing my faith and letting the Holy Spirit guide me and help me can be a very joyous special gift!  I can not wait to see my faith grow over this next 3 weeks and to see my negative eating patterns defeated and to grow closer to Jesus as he helps me through this challenge!

One of the best quotes from today's devotional said this
'There are no quick fixes. There will be good days and bad days. But most importantly, I've realized this isn't as much about losing the weight as it is gaining truth - through of who I am in Christ and how I am made for more than this constant self-defeating struggle'
Source: Made To Crave 60 day Devotional by Lysa Terkeurst  Pg 25

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A new outlook - A fresh start

Have you ever read something dozens even hundreds of times and then one day read it again and got a whole new meaning? This morning when I got my daily email from www.daniel-fast.com (if you are planning to do the Daniel fast I highly suggest signing up for the daily emails because they are great) this verse was the first thing in this mornings email...

I know throughout my Christian life I have probably read this verse several hundred times but today I read it in a whole new way.  As I prepare for the 21 day Daniel Fast I am taking a new approach to my health and weight loss by setting aside 21 days to deny my flesh certain things in order to learn to trust Jesus and rely on his strength to make the right choices.  Every effort over the past 2 years has failed because I have had the wrong focus and today this verse reassured the purpose of the fast to me and reassured me of God's pure goodness! Delight yourself in the Lord - over the next 21 days I am doing just that - instead of taking delight in food, instead of finding stress relief in food, instead of comforting a crazy day with food I am going to be learning to delight myself in Him and find my fulfillment in my relationship with Jesus again! Then He will give you the desires of your heart - the desire of my heart is to conquer negative eating and get healthy and learn to rely on Him in a new way.

Wow!  I mean seriously this verse has a whole new level of depth to me!  I keep reading it over and over again slowly and love that each time God is renewing in me the fact that I can do this with His help!  I am going to be healthy, I am going to learn to conquer negative food choices, I am going to lose the weight because I am going to delight myself in Him and learn to rely on Him.  As I said yesterday, I can NOT do this alone.  I have tried and tried and tired for the past 2 years and its has been a roller coaster that ended right back where I started.  This time is different and I am excited to share the honest real journey with you over the next 21 days!  Stay tuned for recipes, insights and exciting things! Here are a few key verses that I am meditating on to help me through this time!

Yesterday in my quiet time I also found new revelation in James 1 - the entire chapter is amazing but these verses really stuck out to me!

2-4 Consider it a sheer gift, friends, when tests and challenges come at you from all sides. You know that under pressure, your faith-life is forced into the open and shows its true colors. So don’t try to get out of anything prematurely. Let it do its work so you become mature and well-developed, not deficient in any way.

5-8 If you don’t know what you’re doing, pray to the Father. He loves to help. You’ll get his help, and won’t be condescended to when you ask for it. Ask boldly, believingly, without a second thought.

12 Anyone who meets a testing challenge head-on and manages to stick it out is mighty fortunate. For such persons loyally in love with God, the reward is life and more life.

13-15 Don’t let anyone under pressure to give in to evil say, “God is trying to trip me up.” God is impervious to evil, and puts evil in no one’s way. The temptation to give in to evil comes from us and only us. We have no one to blame but the leering, seducing flare-up of our own lust. Lust gets pregnant, and has a baby: sin! Sin grows up to adulthood, and becomes a real killer.

16-18 So, my very dear friends, don’t get thrown off course. Every desirable and beneficial gift comes out of heaven. The gifts are rivers of light cascading down from the Father of Light. There is nothing deceitful in God, nothing two-faced, nothing fickle. He brought us to life using the true Word, showing us off as the crown of all his creatures

 

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I simply can not do this alone

Here it is January 11th and my confession is simply this... I can not do this alone.  

I didn't make any 'resolutions' this year because for me resolutions are to often filled with disappointment and regret.  Actually this post No Resolutions Only Decisions from Danette over at All My Love for All My Days perfectly describes what has been on my heart for the past few weeks!  This past year was filled with ups and downs in every area of my life, not just weight loss! At the end of the year I was actually worse off than I was at the beginning.  But the simple truth of it is I fail because I try to do it alone and I count on my own willpower or self control which never wins!  In a text to a friend the other day I said 'I really really really want to do the Daniel Fast - I have a lot of food issues I need to pray though and shift my focus to letting God be my strength in this bc I'm tired of failing over and over and over again.'  That's the cold hard honest truth I fail over and over and over and I'm tired of it.  The Daniel Fast is one thing that has been going through my mind over and over and over again and I have put it off for the fear of failing again. 

I have tried so many things and failed, my flesh and my want for ice cream and pizza and chips has always won because I rely on my own strength.  I decided to do the Daniel Fast, not for weight loss though it will certainly be a side effect, but purely for spiritual purposes.  No scales & no measuring!  I have got to get to the point where when temptation comes I don't spend 30 mins trying to rationalize why its okay or not okay to eat it and come to the place where I can pray through and rely on God's strength to resist and have true breakthrough in the area of my health.  This weekend is all about preparing, I have actually been preparing for the past several days as well.  Monday starts my 21 days - I will be sharing some recipes and insights throughout the 21 days and am seriously looking forward to serious real change!  No resolutions just decisions to learn to rely on God again! 

I also be going through the Made To Crave devotional and I joined an upcoming Proverbs 31 Online Bible Study of Made to Crave! 

The Daniel Fast is simply All Fruits & Veggies & Water to drink!  Check out my 21 Day Daniel Fast board on Pinterest for some awesome ideas! Here are some other resources I found!

http://danielfast.wordpress.com/

http://www.daniel-fast.com/ - I signed up for the daily emails which are great so far!

http://www.ultimatedanielfast.com/

http://www.crossroadsfast.com/recipes.html - Tons of recieps

“So I turned to the Lord God and pleaded with him in prayer and petition, in fasting.” – Daniel 9:3

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