Sunday, October 31, 2010

Full of Regret!

Have you ever done anything you wish you could take back?  Ever done something so regrettable that you look at yourself in the mirror and can barely live with the decision you have made?  Ever try to get ready for the day and have a breakdown full of regret and sorrow?  Well… I am there! I did the most stupid, regrettable, horrible thing and there is NOTHING I can do to fix it except wait for time to heal the wounds of despair!  What is this despicable thing you ask, and how can I write such a dreadful blog? Well let me tell you the story (don’t worry its short)…

For weeks I have needed a change.  I have been so depressed about the current state of feeling like an overly large beached whale.  Each week the feeling gets worse when I have to go to the doctor and see the large number there on the scale (luckily last week I could no longer see the numbers on the scale).  So one day while the hubs was at work and the baby was sleeping quietly I looked in the mirror and decided that I wanted to change one thing that I had the power to change so i got out the scissors and decided I wanted my bangs back!  I had been asking my mom to trim them for weeks but when we have been together I never thought about it.  I slowly began to chop the inches away (obviously having NO idea what i was doing) pretty soon I had crossed the point of NO return! I have always liked the swoopy bang look, but cut a little much for the swoop to work and ended up with the school girl straight across look! OMG NO I won’t post pics it’s too awful!  This is my regret! No matter what I do I cannot fix it!  I look in the mirror and about cry and know that only time can heal this wound.  Hopefully by the time Cloee comes they will be long enough to at least be somewhat fixed by a professional! Hahaha I know totally not what you expected but I am 36 weeks prego and very dramatic at this point.  My poor hubs is married to a whiney drama queen for sure! Poor guy! Oh well only 23 days to go! 

I will end on this bit of advice… If you are thinking about making a life changing decision make sure that you are in a normal state of mind before making such life altering decisions on a whim!  And always always always look for a laugh when you have made an unfixable mistake!

Friday, October 29, 2010

Blog Redesign!!!

Wahoo! After spending several hours on my blog design I think I am finally happy with my new look! Its soo easy to spend hours and hours on it! Haha! Hope you like it!
Happy Friday!!!!

Breaking Addictions... Help needed!

Wednesday was goodbye to the bottle day!  I wanted my little monkey to be bottle and binky free before my little Tutu comes.  With only 25 days to go we are a little over half way to accomplishing that goal!  I was a little nervous about getting rid of the bottle and didn’t know when to do it, how do it etc, so I sought out advice of other mothers I know.  I always do ‘mom polls’ on facebook and ask all my mom friends for advice and then I usually take a little bit of this and a little bit of that and make it my own!  Someone had a great thought of getting rid of the bottle well before Cloee comes so he won’t associate missing his bottle with a new baby.  So I decided I would go Cold Turkey, like many of my friends had done, and it was simply painless!  Benjamin didn’t even care that his formula came via sippy cup instead of the bottle and I am so glad!  I firmly believe you have to get rid of those things before they are really old enough to form serious habits. 

Next week we are going to tackle the Binky! I’m sure it won’t be quite as painless because he is already greatly attached to it.  Luckily he has only been using it for sleep for the past month and a half.  He never has it if he is not in bed going to sleep, however if he is sleeping and he wakes up and can’t find it he will cry and I will have to get up and go find it before he will go back to sleep so I’m not quite sure how well this one will go over.  I am not one to let them cry it out so I don’t know that I am mentally ready for the battle that might take place.  If you have any ideas, advice, success stories etc please share.  I refuse to let Benjamin have the binky when he is over 1 year old! And he turns 1 in 15 days!!!!!  

Thursday, October 21, 2010

Searching for Joy in the Chaos

Today I have been challenged to find joy in the struggles of life.  Nothing ever seems to work out just the way we had planned and some days can be just down right aggravating but sometimes all it takes is a smile from my lil monkey to realize there is always joy to be found!

Last night was a horrible night of sleep with ‘Braxton Hicks’ (they say those are painless contractions.. WHATEVER!), not being able to get comfortable and when I finally get comfy I have to get up and pee or have a huge coughing fit (which I have been having for over 3 weeks, thank you allergies).  After sleeping on an off all night, my lil monkey decided he wanted to wake up an hour before he usually does.  I tried to ignore the jabbering I was hearing from the baby monitor hoping if I ignored it long enough the hubs would get up, but like every other day he just pulled the covers over his head and the game began.  Finally I accepted defeat and got up.  I was so aggravated and tired and cranky and could only think selfish thoughts; I’m TIRED! I’m 35 weeks pregnant and I NEVER have time off.  I got the monkey up, changed him, made him a bottle, sit him down in front of baby Einstein to eat and reached for a blanket.  Pregnancy hormones took over and I began to cry and pout, glaring at my sleeping husband through the door, thinking it’s just not fair! (gotta love out of wack hormones) Finally he got up, knowing I was being an emo prego and let me have some time.  I went back to bed, cried and thought UGH I just want 1 single day to myself.  By this time I was fully overcome with what I like to call the Prego Emo Fit.  I decided to turn off all the lights and soak in a hot tub.  I vented some feelings to a dear friend and soaked for quite a while.  When I got out of the tub, still in a bad mood, I was greeted with breakfast.  Still being kinda pissy I fought over the thought of just being mean and not eating, but my appetite won that inner war and I sat down and ate.  Benjamin was eating and watching Baby Mozart and was mimicking the dragon in the show saying ‘BLAH’ it was so cute! Every time the dragon comes on he looks at me, smiles with the hugest smile and then back at the dragon and the ‘BLAHs’ begin! It’s priceless!

God is so good to remind us how simple life really should be.  We don’t have to get all worked up about every small thing (though I do firmly believe pregnancy hormones really are uncontrollable at times) Life can be nonstop and stressful and full of disappointments but everywhere around us are joys!  It’s amazing how something as simple as your babies sweet smile can change your day.  It’s hard to be mad or sad or in a crappy mood when you see your sweet lil baby, so innocent, just playing and smiling and wanting nothing more than just to be held by you.  Our children are probably a lot like Jesus.  He is just right there waiting patiently for you just to cast all your cares away and love him. He knows some days are tough but he also said we don’t have to go at them alone.   

Sometimes when a hard day comes, I think OMG how am I ever going to do this with 2 babies and my husband gone to war?  And I get a small reminder like; do not worry about tomorrow…, cast your cares on Him…, He will never leave me alone.. etc.  He is so good and patient and always right there, hoping we choose to rely on Him!  
Today I choose to rely on Him and to just be mommy.  Yes I have things to do and I can’t just kick back and be lazy all day but I have been blessed with the most awesome job ever.  I get to be a mommy to the sweetest little monkey and a wife to the most amazing hard working husband who is busting his butt 7 days a week so I can stay home.  I have an awesome God who loves me so much that he gave the ultimate sacrifice and a savior who laid down his life just for me and gave me his promise of never leaving me alone.  I choose to just meditate on this verse and soak up the joy of being a stay at home mommy!
Hebrews 13:5 (Amplified Bible)
5Let your [a]character or moral disposition be free from love of money [including greed, avarice, lust, and craving for earthly possessions] and be satisfied with your present [circumstances and with what you have]; for He [God] [b]Himself has said, I will not in any way fail you nor [c]give you up nor leave you without support. [I will] not, [d][I will] not, [I will] not in any degree leave you helpless nor forsake nor [e]let [you] down ([f]relax My hold on you)! [[g]Assuredly not!](A)

Tuesday, October 19, 2010

Quick and Easy Chicken n Dumplins

Quick and Easy Chicken n Dumplins

I actually really like to make this with my grandmas made from scratch dumplings but being 35 weeks pregnant and having an 11 month old, I tend to go for the quick and easy so here's my quick and easy recipe!

2 small cans of white chicken breast
4 regular size cans of biscuits
6 cans of Chicken Broth
1 can of Cream of Chicken Soup
(Sometimes I add fresh mushrooms, onions and other veggies of choice but other times I just plain chicken n dumplins so you can add whatever you like)

In large pan bring chicken broth to a boil
While broth is heating open biscuits and tear each biscuit into 1/4ths and roll into small balls and place to the side until broth is at a full boil
Once broth is at a full boil add biscuits and stir often
I usually boil for 10-15 minutes until dumplings are no longer doughy in the middle... Then enjoy!
MMM soo good!!! One of my favorite cool weather meals!

Sunday, October 17, 2010

Bitter Sweetness 37 days ahead...

With 37 days to go and Braxton hicks contractions becoming a part of my everyday life, I have been overwhelmed with the bitter sweet thought of a scheduled birth.

After being induced with Benjamin, because of dangerously high blood pressure and hours upon hours of no progress, I was beyond happy for the term ‘C-section’.  The C-Section went great and though the recovery was tough I was still glad to have him that way verses the alternative.  I know vaginal birth is natural and the way God meant for it to be but I was glad it wasn’t going to be for me!  And this isn’t a VBAC debate… Vbac is great for people who wish to go that route but not for me.  There are other governing factors that would prevent me from ever being able to have a natural birth and I’m okay with that.

Getting closer to the end of this pregnancy I am excited to pretty much know when Cloee will be coming but at the same time part of me wishes for the thrill of going through the process.  Contractions suck and the few I got to endure through last time were wretched and I cried through each one, but I feel kind of sad that I will never get the thrill of timing them, breathing through them, rushing to the hospital etc.  No excitement of water breaking and thinking omg its time lets go! A scheduled birth has its amazing benefits and is helpful for hubs and family to preschedule the time off of work but it just takes away some of the excitement.  Don’t get me wrong having a baby anyway is exciting and joyous.  Maybe I’m just crazy for wishing for the best of both worlds???

With both pregnancies my platelet count has been up and down and luckily with Benjamin, they came up just enough at the right time to be able to have an epidural.  Right now they are lower than they ever were with my 1st pregnancy and I’m praying and believing that they come up enough for me to still be able to have an epidural.  If they stay this low I will have to be put to sleep before they can do the C-Section which would seriously suck!!! Above all I know God is in control and as long as Cloee is healthy thats what is important!  I still cant believe we only have 37 days to go! wow! If you think about it say a little pray for us... Platelets come up!!!! Amen!