Thursday, October 21, 2010

Searching for Joy in the Chaos

Today I have been challenged to find joy in the struggles of life.  Nothing ever seems to work out just the way we had planned and some days can be just down right aggravating but sometimes all it takes is a smile from my lil monkey to realize there is always joy to be found!

Last night was a horrible night of sleep with ‘Braxton Hicks’ (they say those are painless contractions.. WHATEVER!), not being able to get comfortable and when I finally get comfy I have to get up and pee or have a huge coughing fit (which I have been having for over 3 weeks, thank you allergies).  After sleeping on an off all night, my lil monkey decided he wanted to wake up an hour before he usually does.  I tried to ignore the jabbering I was hearing from the baby monitor hoping if I ignored it long enough the hubs would get up, but like every other day he just pulled the covers over his head and the game began.  Finally I accepted defeat and got up.  I was so aggravated and tired and cranky and could only think selfish thoughts; I’m TIRED! I’m 35 weeks pregnant and I NEVER have time off.  I got the monkey up, changed him, made him a bottle, sit him down in front of baby Einstein to eat and reached for a blanket.  Pregnancy hormones took over and I began to cry and pout, glaring at my sleeping husband through the door, thinking it’s just not fair! (gotta love out of wack hormones) Finally he got up, knowing I was being an emo prego and let me have some time.  I went back to bed, cried and thought UGH I just want 1 single day to myself.  By this time I was fully overcome with what I like to call the Prego Emo Fit.  I decided to turn off all the lights and soak in a hot tub.  I vented some feelings to a dear friend and soaked for quite a while.  When I got out of the tub, still in a bad mood, I was greeted with breakfast.  Still being kinda pissy I fought over the thought of just being mean and not eating, but my appetite won that inner war and I sat down and ate.  Benjamin was eating and watching Baby Mozart and was mimicking the dragon in the show saying ‘BLAH’ it was so cute! Every time the dragon comes on he looks at me, smiles with the hugest smile and then back at the dragon and the ‘BLAHs’ begin! It’s priceless!

God is so good to remind us how simple life really should be.  We don’t have to get all worked up about every small thing (though I do firmly believe pregnancy hormones really are uncontrollable at times) Life can be nonstop and stressful and full of disappointments but everywhere around us are joys!  It’s amazing how something as simple as your babies sweet smile can change your day.  It’s hard to be mad or sad or in a crappy mood when you see your sweet lil baby, so innocent, just playing and smiling and wanting nothing more than just to be held by you.  Our children are probably a lot like Jesus.  He is just right there waiting patiently for you just to cast all your cares away and love him. He knows some days are tough but he also said we don’t have to go at them alone.   

Sometimes when a hard day comes, I think OMG how am I ever going to do this with 2 babies and my husband gone to war?  And I get a small reminder like; do not worry about tomorrow…, cast your cares on Him…, He will never leave me alone.. etc.  He is so good and patient and always right there, hoping we choose to rely on Him!  
Today I choose to rely on Him and to just be mommy.  Yes I have things to do and I can’t just kick back and be lazy all day but I have been blessed with the most awesome job ever.  I get to be a mommy to the sweetest little monkey and a wife to the most amazing hard working husband who is busting his butt 7 days a week so I can stay home.  I have an awesome God who loves me so much that he gave the ultimate sacrifice and a savior who laid down his life just for me and gave me his promise of never leaving me alone.  I choose to just meditate on this verse and soak up the joy of being a stay at home mommy!
Hebrews 13:5 (Amplified Bible)
5Let your [a]character or moral disposition be free from love of money [including greed, avarice, lust, and craving for earthly possessions] and be satisfied with your present [circumstances and with what you have]; for He [God] [b]Himself has said, I will not in any way fail you nor [c]give you up nor leave you without support. [I will] not, [d][I will] not, [I will] not in any degree leave you helpless nor forsake nor [e]let [you] down ([f]relax My hold on you)! [[g]Assuredly not!](A)

1 comment:

  1. I am obsessed with the Amplified Bible...I have the Joyce Meyer version! LOVE IT! I agree with you about Braxton Hicks - THEY DO HURT!!!!!!


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