Friday, June 17, 2011

I didnt get to say Goodbye...

Well its been more than 48 hours since I talked to my husband.  He has been gone for 3 months but since he has been in stateside training, we have had the luxury of texting throughout each day, as well as talking and skyping daily.  I knew the day would come when he would actually go to Afghanistan, I just don’t know that I was ready for it.  By now he should be somewhere over there… No idea where, No idea his address, No idea of anything at this point.  But I have faith he is safe and things are going well. 

A few days ago when he was on his way out, he was at an airport where we couldn’t get enough signal to keep a call, so we texted during his several hour layover.   Texts took forever to go though because of the weak signal and I fell asleep thinking he was on his way to another airport before actually heading overseas and would be able to call then.  I fell asleep with my phone on my chest, volume up as loud as it would go, thinking if he text me I would hear it. Well I didn’t.  I woke up at 3am with my princess only to see that I had a ton of texts saying he wasn’t going to another airport and they were on their way overseas and good bye! I freaked!!  I somehow made my princess a bottle through the tears and when I got back to my room all I could think of was I didn’t get to say goodbye! I was hysterically crying for a few minutes.  Then I reached for my phone and pulled up the scriptures on the Faith Deployed FaceBook page and began to read through them, pray and allow God to comfort me and give me his peace.  As I put down the phone and laid there praying, asking for peace and comfort my Monkey came walking in with his blankie and snuggled up beside me and we drifted peacefully to sleep!  (His room gets so cold at night I started leaving his door open and gating off the hallway where if he wakes up he can just come straight to my room! VERY convenient! Haha!And he came at a perfect time!  I love my beautiful kids!

I am so thankful that I found the Tour of Duty online study from  The past 3 months I have been so sad, lonely and really just allowed myself to constantly be overcome with all the negative deployment related emotions.  I havent wanted to blog because I didnt want my blog to just be filled with sadness and negativity.  When I saw that this study was coming up I quickly joined and set my faith that I would be changed drastically throughout this 8 week study and the rest of deployment!  Just started the 2nd week and I can already see a HUGE difference!  Not that everything changes in a day and not that there wont be moments of sadness, loneliness etc but I am choosing to let God take control.  FINALLY!  I love how he doesn’t push his way in and force us to trust him.  He just is there patiently waiting for us to give up trying it on our own and let him take the wheel, let him comfort us and give us peace.  It’s a daily choice and at times an hourly and even moment by moment choice to choose to have faith and trust in God. 

If you haven’t checked out and do it! They haven been a great help and encouragement to me.  Simply ‘liking’ their FaceBook pages have been a help just because both are always posting scriptures, different prayer requests from other wives and much more!  Check it out.. Above all check God out.  This next 10 months will not be easy but I am so excited to be growing and changing and I know that as long as I keep seeking more of God I will keep finding more of him! 

I can do this! I really can! Yay!

1 comment:

  1. Sweet sadness. Faith Builder. Sad blogs with the determination to trust and give thanks in all things to the One who truly holds your heart wouldn't be wrong to write, but expected sometimes. praying for you during the next 10 months :)


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