Epic Failure

Oh I did it! What I swore I would never do...  I used the dreaded word... 'Epic'! Haha! For months I have been totally annoyed by and hard core making fun of the over use of the word Epic... Everyone thinks everything is epic and it drives me up the wall! Oh well I conformed and I now feel like a part of the 'in crowd'!   Dork for sure!  anyways on to the point...

So we had plans to start the 'Makers Diet' and in the busyness of trying to learn the balance of raising a 13 month old a 5 week old and Christmas on top of that it was...well.... an EPIC FAILURE!!! It is so much more convenient to make something quick and easy instead of healthy! We actually have been eating pretty healthy, lots of chicken and veggies but there also has been lots of ice cream, desserts, and CHIPS! Ugh my dad works for a chip company and a big thanks to him for the dozens of bags of chips he unloaded on us a few weeks ago! Sheesh! Chips are my down fall! Along with the at least 2 eves a week when my husband says I want ice cream and proceeds to drive to Braums and come home with an ungodly portion of ice cream.  Forget the normal size shake he wants to order the LARGE! And of course you cant let it go to waste!  Somehow (only by the grace of God) I haven’t gained any weight over the holidays! 

On one hand I want health and order and to stinking lose weight on the other I am undisciplined and lost in the busyness of trying to figure out the balance of having 2 kids (one who is VERY jealous of the new one and testing out HUGE fit throwing parties that are wearing me out).  Well we are attempting something new starting January 3^rd! We’re going to be doing the 21 day Daniel Fast!  (along with our church! Lifechurch.tv!!!)  This is a great way to establish discipline and put down the flesh!  Right now I am in the middle of preparing meal plans, grocery lists and praying for specific focus of this fast!  During this 21 day fast we can only have fruits, veggies, whole wheat’s, beans and nuts and only water to drink! This is pretty much the way I ate when I was diagnosed with Cronhs in '08 and started eating strictly healthy and loosing so much weight with the exception of then I ate tons of meat! I wont be able to eat any for the 21 days!   

During this 21 days I am hoping to firstly grow closer to God through prayer, Bible study and specific focus on Him during this time, to grow closer to my husband while going through this together, to establish a routine of putting down my flesh for what is healthy and not always have to give it what it wants when it wants it, and to lose some weight in the process. Those are just a few things I am hoping to gain during this process. I also have specific spiritual goals to go along! 

I am looking forward to growing and changing in 2011! Look for updates to come!  Believing this time we wont have an epic failure but and epic triumph and the beginning of an Epic year!

Focusing on the Eternal...

So this morning church was one of those kind of messages that I felt were just for me!  It started out and I was like ugh a guest speaker and the first half of the message didn’t seem to be of any interest then it started to sink in!  Luckily the hubs and I decided to go ahead and check Cloee into the nursery for the first time this morning.  With Benjamin we waited till he was almost 4 months old but he always slept like a rock throughout the entire service.  Cloee on the other hand wakes up and wants to fuss throughout service and I have spent the last several services out in the lobby with her.  I absolutely love the childrens ministry at our church and I feel very good and safe leaving both our kids in their care! Anyways!...

For the past several weeks I have been trying to figure out how to approach this next year with a one year old, a new born and a hubs soon to be on his way to war.  Todays message seemed to apply to where I am and give me a glimmer of hope!  The title was Never Loose Heart!  He was talking about how even though Paul had all this bad crap happening to him on the outside he never lost heart because his eternal focus outweighed the negative surrounding him!    

2 Corinthians 4:16-18
16 Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day.
17 For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all.
18 So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal

Love that verse!  I have been wondering how I am going to make it through the next year with the hubs gone and this message really shed a lot of light on just how to approach it! 

1^st Prayer! Gonna have to seriously up the prayer life! 

2^nd Serving!  Gonna have to get involved and serve at church!

3^rd Giving!  I will be looking for ways to be generous to others this year!

4^th Sharing Jesus! Looking for other ways to share Jesus with those around me.

Really simple little things (easier said that done) but these 4 simple sounding things breathed a bit of life into my picture of this next year.  There are days that are going to just out right suck but I have to focus on the eternal and what is to come and not the moment at hand. Really you have to listen to the message to get the full impact and its simple to do! I have attached the link below. 

 So, yes I know this upcoming year is going to be the hardest i have ever had to face so far but I have a new outlook on it. But I will look at it knowing its temporary and better things are to come.  Focusing on Praying, Giving, Serving and Sharing are great ways to get through!  I thank God for my church and for messages that speak right to my heart!

http://www.lifechurch.tv/

2 Corinthians 4:16-18
16 Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day.
17 For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all.
18 So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal

RIP Tramp! It was a rough day to say the least...

My dad was fishing at the lake the day after Christmas in 1999 and this little old man came up to him to chat while walking this cute little puppy on a leash.  My dad leaned down to pet the puppy and play with him a little while chatting and fishing.  The next thing he knew the old man was squealing away in his car and he left the puppy, leash and all next to my dad!  What was he to do? So he brought him home!  I fell immediately in love with him and since I had gotten the re- release of Lady and the Tramp for Christmas that year I decided to name him Tramp!  We became the best of buds!  He slept next to me most nights!  He grew HUGE and would hog up the whole bed!  At night I would say lets go to bed and I would have to race him to the bed and get my place or else he would be in the middle of my pillow!  Its funny how we sacrifice comfort for a pet!  I loved that dog and would sleep curled up on the edge of the bed many many nights!!!

Today was a very rough day! I had planned on spending the day at my parents house with my Tramp knowing that he was in his last days.  My mom called me this morning saying he was doing very badly and she was going to take him to the vet.  I was worried they would want to put him to sleep but she assured me that even if that happened she would bring him home for the rest of the day and do it later so we could say our good byes.  Well, they said he was in his final stages of heart failure and would need to be put down or else he would be suffering and slowly suffocating to death.  So I packed up the kids and headed to spend some time with him!  I decided that since he had been my dog my husband and I would take him to the vet after he got off work so my dad wouldn’t have to do it.  My dad just had to have another long time pet put down a few weeks prior due to cancer.  When I got to my mom’s house, Tramp was doing much worse and we made the decision we couldn’t let him suffer any longer and I had to take him right then. 

I was kinda scared to take him alone with out the hubs but I couldn’t handle watching him suffer any longer!  I got there got him in and said good bye and rubbed his nose till he was gone.  He just looked at me in the eyes and didn’t even seem scared and it was just like he went to sleep.  It happened so fast, I didn’t even realize they were doing it yet till the doctor said okay his heart isn’t beating any more.  I started sobbing like a baby of course! Soooo sad!  I hope that you never have to put down an animal!  It totally sucks but I know it was time and he lived a long happy comfortable life!

RIP Tramp!   It was a happy 11 years with you!!!  Had so much fun playing fetch, going to the lake, going for walks and runs and for having a snuggle buddy when I lived at home!  He really was an amazing sweet cuddly friendly happy dog!

I hope there are dogs in heaven!!!!

Deployment Deinal.....

For months I have tried to keep myself in denial about upcoming deployment!  I guess I figure as long as I keep denying it, I don’t have to deal with it. And in my own mixed up little mind I can fake myself into thinking it will never come!  If I even think about it I start to cry.  Today I got wind of the fact that it is coming about a month and a half sooner than I expected.  I am so not ready for this but ready or not it’s coming... and it’s coming full steam ahead! So now its time to start preparing and coming up with a game plan! 

Right now I am still in the mode of figuring out how to successfully be a mother of 2 babies who are 1 year and 10 days apart and adjusting to not only a new baby but a new baby with a 1 year old tottering around!  I’m starting to think of goals I want to set for not only myself but our kids as well.  What things do I want to accomplish in the next year? What ways am I going to keep myself busy and keep my sanity?  How am I going to cope with not having my best friend here with me every day? Just to name a few...

In a few weeks we will be attending Yellow Ribbon, I really have no idea what it all entails but I am sure that it will be full of information and hopefully not too many tears!  I am looking forward to having an entire weekend with my husband and I plan on asking my parents to watch the kidos 1 evening a week for the rest of our time together so I can have some time with just the hubs and I before he goes!  Asking for help is my biggest fear! I have never been good at it!  I guess it’s a pride issue or the fear of rejection but either way I have to learn to put that aside and be willing to ask for help if needed. 

I am so thankful for a husband who is willing to serve our country and I am fully supportive of him and his career.  I want to be a great supportive Military Wife and not be a sad whiny complainer who just sits around and feels sorry for myself.  But that doesn’t mean that this will be easy and that there wont be days that I don’t know how to cope but I am completely confident that with Jesus all things are possible and that he will protect my husband, bring him home safely and help us get through the year quickly and successfully! 

Mostly I am confident that we will be just fine I just hate being away from my husband! He truly is amazing and I love him more and more every day!  I know that God will protect him and I know that God will keep us strong I just selfishly want to be able to wake up next to my sexy man every day!  

If you are a military wife and have been through deployment please share some wisdom with me, pass on a tidbit of advice tell me how on earth you make it for an entire year!  We were apart for 8 months during basic and AIT but i got to talk to him and see him several times over that period of time.  That was hard... I cant even imagine how this coming year will differ... Ready or not.... not ready but gonna make it anyway!