Bitter Sweetness 37 days ahead...

With 37 days to go and Braxton hicks contractions becoming a part of my everyday life, I have been overwhelmed with the bitter sweet thought of a scheduled birth.

After being induced with Benjamin, because of dangerously high blood pressure and hours upon hours of no progress, I was beyond happy for the term ‘C-section’.  The C-Section went great and though the recovery was tough I was still glad to have him that way verses the alternative.  I know vaginal birth is natural and the way God meant for it to be but I was glad it wasn’t going to be for me!  And this isn’t a VBAC debate… Vbac is great for people who wish to go that route but not for me.  There are other governing factors that would prevent me from ever being able to have a natural birth and I’m okay with that.

Getting closer to the end of this pregnancy I am excited to pretty much know when Cloee will be coming but at the same time part of me wishes for the thrill of going through the process.  Contractions suck and the few I got to endure through last time were wretched and I cried through each one, but I feel kind of sad that I will never get the thrill of timing them, breathing through them, rushing to the hospital etc.  No excitement of water breaking and thinking omg its time lets go! A scheduled birth has its amazing benefits and is helpful for hubs and family to preschedule the time off of work but it just takes away some of the excitement.  Don’t get me wrong having a baby anyway is exciting and joyous.  Maybe I’m just crazy for wishing for the best of both worlds???

With both pregnancies my platelet count has been up and down and luckily with Benjamin, they came up just enough at the right time to be able to have an epidural.  Right now they are lower than they ever were with my 1^st pregnancy and I’m praying and believing that they come up enough for me to still be able to have an epidural.  If they stay this low I will have to be put to sleep before they can do the C-Section which would seriously suck!!! Above all I know God is in control and as long as Cloee is healthy thats what is important!  I still cant believe we only have 37 days to go! wow! If you think about it say a little pray for us... Platelets come up!!!! Amen!