Tuesday, October 23, 2012

Guest Post from Sue Diamond Phillips

I am beyond excited for you guys to meet my awesome guest poster today!
If there is one blog that I stalk more than others its totally Diapers or Wine!  
'Sue Diamond-Phillips' is brilliant! Seriously! I frequent her blog because its honest, its hilarious, its real, its blunt, did I mention hilarious? And I can so totally relate to most of what she says!  I love that she uses an Alias 'Sue Diamond-Phillips' so she can write what she wants, when she wants and no one knows its her! Did I mention brilliant? haha Ok seriously check out her blog and follow her because I promise you wont want to miss a post!
Thanks girl for guest posting here on Monkeys and Tutus and for being so real and funny! 

Now here's the guest post from Diapers or Wine

Well, let me start this out by saying thank you, Misty Marie, for letting me guest post on your awesome blog, Monkeys and Tutus! I feel all grown up and legit right now. No, i'm not kidding. I do. I also totally scoped out some of the other guest writers, and i feel like a dork. I don't make cute stuff. I don't have cute recipes. I kind of just write whatever comes out...like we're besties and i vented. So, a little background on me, in my opinion, i am one of the 3 normal siblings in my family. Normal, meaning i am not obsessed with Dr Who, Star Trek, Star Wars, and i can have a normal conversation that is not in Klingon. There are six all together though. I had the best childhood ever, my parents are amazing, we grew up on a farm and i was homeschooled. Raised born again Christian (for all my Bible thumpers out there, woop-woop! get out your quilted Bible cover!), and proud of it. My husband and i have 5 kids, and when they are all asleep, i totally consider trying to drug him and get one more outta him. When they are awake, i switch to considering enlisting them in the military. Especially the 22 month old. I also homeschool my kids, and yes, i drink wine.

So, my family grew up with tons of traditions, one - like many other families - is the pumpkin carving night. It became a hunt for your pumpkins out on this great path my Dad made through the woods and meadow. My Mom makes at least three different kinds of soup, homemade breads, and of course, hot chocolate. It's insane fun - just this great, relaxing time where we all hang out and carve pumpkins...and wait. Patiently wait for someone to leave the barn, then we dump all the pumpkin guts into that poor sucker's perfectly cleaned pumpkin. Cram it in there. Every year. It never stops being fun. This is also the night we siblings and spouses pick our secret Christmas Pollyanna. Also, all during this night, Christmas music is playing. I know. It's just our thing, and it's glorious.

My older brother is married...to...quite a lady. And they have 5 kids also. Who are...*literally shaking my head*...kind of hard to put into words. If you have ever seen The Best Christmas Pageant Ever, and know who the Herdmans are. THAT. IS. THEM. Dirty (i know, my kids are sometimes too, but the level...is crazy), they all wore diapers until they were 6-8yrs old, they throw frequent tantrums, and i don't let my kids go where i can't see them, because it's like there is no sense of right or wrong. On Mother's Day this year, their little girl threw a huge rock at my daughter, and it was almost the end of our relationship. I thought she was going to need stitches or surgery. Yup. There's your parenting thing. There was no apology or punishment, because, "she didn't mean to do it". They used to say, "oh, your kids are so well behaved, i guess they're just good", while my husband and i were to shocked to say, "it's called DISCIPLINE". It's Lord of the Flies stuff going on.

My 8 year old nephew believed he was an alien. My brother told him that he wasn't. This started a tantrum, sobbing, and ultimately led to my brother saying he was sorry, and that he wished he never told him he was not, indeed, an alien. They apologize to their kids more than anyone i have ever seen in my life. Takes all kinds? Once when we had bought our kids kites, 4 of theirs threw insane fits, and my sister in law told them, "i know it's not fair that they did that, it was really wrong"...this is what i'm dealing with. This is why my Mom will frequently have a glass of wine on Sundays, and why my Dad locks himself in his train room or in the barn.

So, Sunday was pumpkin carving. Now, my husband and i realize that after kids, this tradition is really no longer for us as adults, but it's for our kids. Making them fun and awesome memories. Um...we are alone in this. My brother and sister in law see this as their time. And kids are just pesky and annoying. I mean, when you need to make a character from Dr Who on a pumpkin, you can't be bothered by kids crying and asking you to please carve a smiley face. When you need to make a dancer's butt and legs, because you are a liiiiiiittle bit psycho, you can't scoop pumpkin seeds out for your kids. My husband and i just watched them - shocked yet again by the bizarre selfish behaviour. This year with having an almost 2 year old and a new puppy, i wasn't much help. My husband helped our 6yr old and 8yr old do whatever they wanted. THEN he made his pumpkin. My brother and sister in law worked for over an hour. With special tools. Telling the kids to go away, go outside, anything.
It never ceases to amaze me. When people cannot put together that once you have kids, life is no longer about you. It's just not. It's about the kids. Raising them right, teaching them how to behave, giving them rules and boundaries, and helping them more than you help yourself.

My Mom always said to me, my brothers, and my sisters, " I love you no matter what, but i want OTHER people to love you as much as i do". And wow, is that true. I do not do everything right, but i think about that so often. I want to raise kids that people like to be around, not kids that they are a little scared of leaving a puppy alone with.

This was long winded, i get that. But holy poop. I had to get it out. I leave you with the end result of pumpkin carving night. Happy Fall, ya'll!! Thank you so much for taking a few minutes (ok, an hour) to read this post - maybe some of you have equally "special" people in your family, and can relate. P.S. While i took the time to write this, my 22 month old precious angel who is so well disciplined took her diaper off and pooped on her Daddy's dress shoes. So...yes, i have pot calling the kettle black syndrome. Pray for me.

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  1. Hi I'm Heather! Please email me when you get a chance, I have a question about your blog! LifesABanquet1(at)gmail.com

  2. OMG your brother's family sounds like a slightly {only slightly} more extreme version of my sister's family {right down to the pumpkins}. So funny...yet unbelievably awkward at the same time!!


  3. Lol what a great post. I think you and I might be related! (of course I kid...kinda) I have 8 boys, all VERY well behaved (outside of the house and around other people that is) yet my sister who has 4... Well, lets just say her children are kinda the spawn of something evil. I will never understand how she survives an hour alone with them let alone 365 days a year. I think by now I would have moved to an island far far away changing my name in hopes they wouldn't find me.


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