Wednesday, January 23, 2013

My losing battle and how much I actually weigh eeks

Just in case you dont know my background... In 2008 I got serious and lost 70+ lbs! By November 08 I was down to 175 when Ben and I started dating. I felt great I was wearing size 10 and felt healthy, full of energy, confident and sexy! By April 1st 09 I was about 2 mo or so pregnant and was up to 205 then then my hubs left for basic and ait would be gone for 9 months leaving me alone, pregnant, scared, depressed and on a bad routine of eating fast food every single day! Always lunch, some times breakfast and lunch! By the time I had Benjamin (who only weighed 5.5 lbs I had gained a huge 65 lbs! By march 2010 I was down to 240 and I found out I was pregnant with cloee! Luckily I only gained 30 and lost it soon after and in march 2011 I was back town to 240 then I found out I was pregnant with jax and the cycle started over!

In December 2011 I got 'serious' and lost about 40 lbs by march 2012! I felt good and on a good system down to 215 and ready to keep trucking and get back down to 160 which was my ultimate goal!

At the end of march 2012 my hubs returned from a 13 month long deployment and the cooking, deserts, eating out started... The working out stopped and now the past few months have been awful! I gained 15 lbs back !

Ugh! So here I sit, January of 2013 back to 70 lbs from my ultimate goal...
Is 70 lbs doable? Yes I've done it before but at this point weakness always wins out!

We started the Daniel fast and made it an actual week and at the end of the week I had a work party that involved Mexican food. Before the fast we decided we would break fast that day and go right back on..: however going back on was not as easy as I had planned! Ugh the past 2 weeks have been awful!

When I eat right and am disciplined I feel great, I have energy and I feel accomplished... When I have an epic fail gorge day I feel depressed, fat, unworthy and nasty!

I started the 21 day made to crave devotional and it's amazing but I soon was overcome with the guilt of Taco Bell, McDonald's, ice cream and diet dr pepper that I fell behind!

Why is this battle so hard? It's an addiction! And it's much like any addiction I suppose! This past week my dad was in the hospital dealing with alcoholic related problems... The choice seems so simple... Quit drinking and live or keep drinking and die of heart or liver failure... But addiction is so much stronger and bigger than the answer that's right in front of you!
Pleasure for the moment is innate in our weak fleshly world.
When I'm stressed I often turn to a snack or a soda or some Starbucks instead of turning to prayer and meditating on Gods word.
It's a vicious cycle and I want out!

When I eat healthy I'm productive and have energy! I'm in a good mood and life is good... When I fail I feel miserable so why is it so easy to fail over and over a d over?

For years I have kept my weight from my husband! Lord knows I do not want him to know how much I weigh but then I think, I know he's gained weight too and maybe if he knew how much I weighed he would understand we need to be serious and quit going on ice cream runs, chip runs etc! He's a sweet husband and when I say mmm I want some French fries he jumps up and gets me some but that's just no help at all!
We tried working out together but with 3 kids under 3 it really isn't very easy to work out at all unless you want to do it in the middle of the night and dude I need sleep! Lol

Anyways the truth of it is here I sit back at 231 lbs! What the crap!!! Ugh
It's not totally about weight, though this weight is awful and no where near where I should be or want to be its about health! I'm unhealthy in person and in spirit! Once again my want for food wins out over my need for God! I lack discipline and seem to have the inability at this point to finish what I start!
I have no accountability and I simply can't do it on my own!

I meal plan and never stick to it! I look at my tummy as it rests happily on my lap and I want to barf! Nothing fits, everything's tight and though I know my husband loves me no matter what I hate knowing what I can be and presenting him with the worst of me!

I don't even know where to begin! The problem is I always start big and end up failing instead of easing into things!

When I lost 70 lbs before I ate very healthy... I didn't eat sugars, pastas, breads, dairy etc
I pretty much had meat, veggies and fruit! I want to be back to that because I felt great! I had energy and I felt healthy!

Today I started back on my fitness pal!
Bensgirl322 is me if you want to follow and kick my butt a little!

There's my honest what's what!


  1. You can do it!! We have a great group of challengers right now that are having great success. I posted about it here:

    Thanks for your honesty - people need to hear it!

  2. Eating healthy when you first start or start back is hard. It take a good solid month to get all those old habits & craving under control. No food is bad either, so you have to change that mind set to realize I can have dairy or bread or even sugar. I just have to have less of those things. But when we cut them out completely that is when we crave them the most.
    God made all food wonderful for us to try. He also gave us all free will & some-lol self control. You can do it! I stay accountable by blogging my workouts & food when I feel like the old habits are creeping back. I also use to track how active I've been. It;s not easy & sharing with your husband or finding a friend to travel this road with will help. You can do it!

  3. I am the same way. And I am SHORT so every pound I carry looks like 5! I am round, I have no shoulders or knees, and I hate every single second. I would love to drop 50 pounds and I know I could if I would just stop sabotaging myself. It feels awful and makes no sense....and yet here we are! I'll keep on you if you keep on me too!! We CAN do it. I dread spending another summer with my kids roasting because I won't shove my sausages into shorts!!

  4. Girl, I can relate to nearly every word of this! I do the pregnancy weight gain and then diet battle every time and now, after my 3rd, I've just recently found my motivation again (he's 20 months!). But I still can't seem to stay on the wagon very well, and I'm even doing a plan where I have to weigh in! How is this battle getting worse as I get older?? I'm supposed to be growing up! It seems that growing up would mean realizing how childish it seems to let food control my life. Lol. Let me know if you want to chat ever! Thanks so much for sharing, sweet lady!!

  5. Here's a big hug, friend! I almost wrote "bug" haha. Here's a bug~Hope it makes you feel better. :) I can relate to this so much--I have the same problem. From tracking *what* and *when* I'm eating, instead of just the calories, I've learned that most of my calories come from sugar (coffee, too) and carbs)... meaning, I need to get more sleep for energy {more sleep: it'd be easier to fly a broom to the moon, right?} and stop eating when I'm *thinking* about stressful things. No matter what a person's size is, when they start battling the calorie monster~ its hard to win. You're gonna get this under control, darling; this is *your* year! It's on! {that's what I tell myself, too :) } Thanks for the honesty! ((Bugs!))

  6. You can totally do it and can tell you this it takes a ton of courage to admit what you are feeling and going through to all. That said, I think you are amazing woman for that. Pregnancy isn't always easy and I too gained weight with both my girls. I struggled losing with my first and then got pregnant again when she was only 7 1/2 months old (my girls are 16 months apart). I did better the second time out and did lose, but over the last few months put on a few extra pounds. So now I am trying to lose too before the weather warms up and am also on my fitness pal. My name is janinehuldie.

  7. I have totally been there and it stinks! Food does control my life and you put it so well when you say it's an addiction. I can always count on some ice cream to cheer me up after a bad day and yet a few hours later make me feel so sad. The absolute best I felt was on weight watchers. It was the easiest for me to incorporate into every day living. Once i have baby # 2 in may I can't wait to start getting serious about exercising and seeing how i can lose some weight and just feel better about myself.

    You can do it and just know that there are so many moms who struggle just like you do.

  8. You can do this Misty. We can all do it together and we all are struggling with possibly the same things. I know I can relate to the nasty addictions and "IT IS" an addiction. I am a serious foodie...I LOVE cooking and trying good foods. I have had a problem not complicating things while trying to get healthy. Pregnancy and gestational diabetes started my weight gaining and some other difficult life happenings. I can't wait to be myfitnesspal partners for "Slim for the Summer".

  9. The firs thing is that you put it out there ... You wrote down your honest feelings about it. Weight is going to be a struggle because there are so many things we WANT! Like an addiction. BUT...with the motivation from all of us girls in the Slim by the Summer challenge we can keep each other accountable!

    I know this is probably something you have heard .. but go buy yourself a fun 24oz water bottle! Load it up with water and lemon or lime. Fill it constantly throughout the day and try to drink at least three bottles worth.
    You would be surprised at how much it will help. The lemon gives you the tartness, the water fills you up. If you need to indulge, do it! Just don't do it in excess. Don't deny your body a craving, you will only fail if you keep doing that to yourself.

    We can do this love!


  10. You can do it girlfriend! We all go through ups and downs. The best part is you recognize what makes you feel good and that you want to feel good. You should start linking up for Fitness Friday with us. It helps motivate and encourage!

  11. Kudos, Misty! You are on the right track! You have lots of lovely ladies supporting you, and we're all in it together! I can't wait to see where we all are in June... <3 yourself today and do something good for yourself!

  12. You can do it!!! :) You are doing good so far.

  13. I have sent you a friend request :)

  14. I have another girl's blog I follow who is pretty inspiring (and funny), she just started too. I also follow her Instagram and she does My Fitness Pal too. Look her up for some inspiration!

    I'm walking the walk with you right now too...down from 248 to 214 today over the past year with calorie counting and exercise (I have three kids too so I walk or do what I can on my lunch hour).

    Hit me up if you ever want to vent!

  15. absolutely doable! you can do it!!!! rooting for ya over here! :)

  16. I'm around the same weight as you and trying to get down to 150, which was my pre-pregnancy weight. It seems like it'll never happen but it will! Just keep it up and don't give up, even if you have a bad day. It's not too late to turn any day around and exercise before bed. I have a bad habit of throwing away a day and just binging the rest of the day because I feel like I already messed it up.

  17. You can totally do it! :) I have faith in you!


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